Funny Story, Spoof, Anecdote

Funny stories, spoof and anecdote are sort of genre which are often founded in our teaching learning process at high school. Those genre types are proposed to entertain the readers with particular funny things. The following are some samples of funny story, spoof and anecdote which are collected by my students at SMA Negeri 92 North Jakarta. Those stories are shown in the comment below:

196 thoughts on “Funny Story, Spoof, Anecdote

  1. Chiaaat….CRRACKK!
    I’m a member of a martial art organization at school. one day, our organization arranged a martial art demonstrasion for student to persuade them into joining our organization. I was chosen as one of the permormers to perforn some of the martial art movement. during my performance, when I was doing a high kick,suddenly I heard a loud sound, “CRRACKK!!!” Oh my god ! my pants were torn apart at the buttock. Everyone laughed at me. I could only stand there with a blood red face. next thing I knew, I was running toward the toilet. Never again will I perform those movement in front of an audience.

    sources: C’NS Magazine
    Vol.3 No.21 January – February 2004

  2. Kick My Ass During Flag Ceremony
    It happaened when I was still in junior high . that day, august 17, 1995, and I had to be at school before 7 am but I woke up late. Everything was I rush that morning. I skipped breakfast so that I wouldn’t be late at school. I had to perform in the ceremony since I was a member of PASKIBRA. Because I rushed through everything, I didn’t pay attention to what I wore to school. This proved to be an embarrasment for me. During the flag ceremony, almost all student were laughing.i didn’t know that they were laughing at me until one of my teachers told me that instead of wearing a uniform, I wore my home short wich were in the same color as my uniform. What made it worse, it had a “ Kick My Ass”sign written on its butt. I swear that was the day that I won’t ever forget for the rest of my life.

    Cn’s magazine vol.3 no.21 january-february 2004

  3. SCORES
    When Suzy got home, she told her dad that she got 100 poin in school. Her dad, “ Great! Let’s sit down and tell me more about it”. Suzy ” well, I got a 20 in math, a 30 in science and a 50 in writing!”

    sources:CnS magazine vol.8 no.58 august-september 2008

  4. SAFETY FIRST

    One day after class, there was a safety drill at my school- a technology vocational school. the instructor showed the importance of wearing safety gear on a building site, such as a helmet, safety shoes, and gloves. he also mentioned that we must always put on our seatbelt in a car. then we all were given chance to try on those safety gadgets.
    when the drill was over, my friends and I walked to the car of one of my friends. We always go home together because we live in the same housing complex.
    I sat in the front seat, Next to the Driver. I buckled the seatbelt, and I turned my head facing my friends in the back.
    “Don’t forget to buckle up, guys! Don’t forget, safety first!” to my surprise, their exploded into laughter.
    “Hey, come on guys. You know that that I’m right,” I said to defend myself.
    “Yeah, yeah. You’re right. but you don’t have to wear a helmet in a car.!”
    My gosh! I forgot to take off the helmet I had beeb wearing. I opened the car door and ran to return the helmet. With a red face, of course.
    Ever since, my friends have teased me with the words: safety first

    sources: C’NS Magazine
    Vol.7 No.12 January-February 2007

  5. Stop Drinking That

    when I was Travelling with my classmate, suddenly we felt very Thirsty, and then wa gave a Soft Drink. but when i was drinking i found the taste of the soft drink is so sour.
    so Quickly i said to my friends” Stop Drinking That, because this soft Drink is already to expired”

    but, i heared a voice Shouting “you fools, this soft drink, expired not this year, but next year”
    so i ask to my friends” why the taste of the soft Drink is so sour? ”
    so my friends said” the taste of the soft Drink is so sour because this is a New Lime Flavour from this Soft Drink”

    and after that i became so shy and also my friends Laught to me…:-)

    Source: C’N’S Magazine
    Vol.4 No. 30 February-March 2005

  6. Pull, Not Push

    A years ago, i visited my aunt in Jakarta. She showed me around and took me shooping at some malls. I was really awestruck by the glamorous malls. While windows-shooping with her, nature called. My aunt showed me the rest room. She didn’t come in, she waited outside. I entered one of the cubicles. When I’d finished, i tried to open the cubicles door. I pushed, pushed, and pushed again. Nothing happened. I started to get panicky. I ttied to push again. Zero, I cried out my auntie’s name several times. I heard her coming, but she sounded panicky, too. I said I couldn’t open the door. Abruptly, in one fling, the door was wide open. I heard people burst into laughter. Not knowing to what happened, I stepped out of the cubicle. Later I found out that I was supposed to pull, not push the door. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

    Source : C’N’S Magazine
    Vol. 4 No. 30 February-March 2005

  7. Safety First

    One day after class, there was a safety drill at my school – a technology vocational school. The instructor showed the importance of wearing safety gear on a building site, such as a helmet, safety shoes, and gloves. He also mentioned that we must always put on our seatbelt in a car. Then we all were given a chance to try on those safety gadgets.

    When the drill was over, my friends and I walked to the car of one of my friends. We always go home together because we live in the same housing complex. I sat in the front seat, next to the driver. I buckled the seatbelt, and I turned my head facing my friends in the back.

    “ Don’t forget to buckle up, guys! Don’t forget, safety first!”
    to my surprise, their exploded into laughter.
    “ Hey, come on, guys. You know that I’m right, “ I said to defend myself.
    “ Yeah, yeah. You’re right. But you don’t have to wear a helmet in a car!”

    My gosh! I forgot to take off the helmet I had been wearing. I opened the car door and ran to return the helmet. With a red face, of course.
    Ever since, my friends have teased me with the words.

    Source : C’nS Magazine
    Vol. 8 No.61 February-March 2009

  8. The Falling Fruits

    Following a big fruit harvest in the area where i used to live, my parents brought home a lot of duku, durian, and rambutan. There were so many of them, we still had bags of fruits even after sharing them with neighbours. Having a date with friends, i decided to bring her some. Carrying a plastic bag full of duku, i got on the bus. I was running late so when i got to my bus stop, i quickly jumped off the bus. As i did so, the plastic bag holding the dukus broke open and the small round fruits rolled all over the street. Silly me, instead of leaving them alone, i went to all the trouble of picking each and every duku off the street. Oncoming cars had to stop and wait for me to collect the dukus. All the passengers were smiling broadly at my stupidity.
    RIZKA, PALEMBANG

    Sumber : CNS ENGLISH MAGAZINE Vol. 8 No 13

  9. Funny Story

    OUT In the Woods

    A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the dep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator,”My friend is dead!
    What can I do?”
    The operator , in a calm and soothing voice,says,” Alright,take it easy. I can help. First,l easy make sure he’s dead.”there is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line.”Ok.Now what?”

    Magazine: C&S
    Volume: 6
    Nunber: 46
    Date: march 2007

  10. PIG STORY

    Zelko was know for his arrogance. He thought himself the smartest guy arround and looked down on everyone from the village head to the lowliest farmhand. one day he was walking home dragging behind him a goat he’d bought at the market when he met Dumba, the village idiot. As soon as Dumba spotted Zelko with the goat, he yelled, “hey, what are you doing with that pig?” Zelko started to laugh and said scornfully. “you fool! no wonder they call you the village idiot. This is a goat, not a pig, you Dumbhead!”
    Dumba gazed at him in bewilderment and said, “sorry, Zelko, but i wasn’t talking to you. I was talking the goat!”

    sumber: Cn’S English Magazine Vol.2 No.11
    date : 11 oktober-november 2002

  11. SEEING – EYE DOG

    A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing -eye dog one day .They come to a busy intersection and the dog ,ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming bye on the street ,leads the blind man right out into the thick of the traffic .This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down .The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog .
    A passer by ,having observed the near fatal incident ,can’t control his amazenement and says to the blind man ,”why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie ? He nearly got you killed !”the blind man turns partially in his direction and replies ,”to find out where his head is,so i can kick his ass.”

    SOURCE :

    MAGAZINE : N’SCHOOL N’ SMART
    VOLUME : 2
    NUMBER : 11
    DATE : II OCTOBER – NOVEMBER 2002

  12. Funny Story

    John’Reason

    At a shop,John, a six-year-old boy, stood beside his mother who was making a purchase. The shopkeeper told him to help himself to a handful of chocolate. But John Shook his head.
    “Why? What’s the matter?” asked the shopkeeper.”Don’t you like chocolate?”
    “yes.”replied John.
    “Well,go ahead and take some.”
    John hesitated. Later the shopkeeper himself put a handful of chocolate in John’ pocket.
    When they left the shop, his mother asked, “why didn’t you take the chocolate yourself?”
    “Because his hand is bigger than mine,” answered John.

    Magazine : CONTACT

    Volume: 7

    Number: 40

    date: NOVEMBER- DECEMBER 1999

  13. Elementary, My Dear Watson

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
    “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replies, “I see millions of stars.”
    “What does that tell you?”
    Watson ponders for a minute. “Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
    Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks, “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol. 6 No. 46 March 2007

  14. TREE GORILLA

    A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree. He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon serviceman arrived with a stick, a cihuahua (a rabbit-size breed of dog), a pair of handcuffs, and a shootgun. “now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner.” I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained cihuahua will then go right for his,
    uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap on the handcuffs.”
    “got it,” the homeowner replied. “But what’s the shootgun for?”
    “if I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said,” shoot the cihuahua.”

    sumber: Cn’S English Magazine Vol.2 No.11
    Date : 11 oktober-november 2002

  15. apprentice

    A prominent lawyer’s son dreamed of following in his father’s footsteps.After graduating from college and law school with honors,he returned home to join his father’s film,intent on proving himself to be a skilled and worthy attorney. At the end of his father’s office,and said, “father,father the Smith case,which you always said would go on forever–the one you have been toiling on for ten years–in one single day,I settled that case and saved the client a fortune”
    His father frowned,and scolded him,” I didn’t say that it WOULD go on forever,son. I said that it COULD go on forever,When you saw me toiling on that case for days and weeks at a time, Didn’t it ever occur to you that I was being paid by the hour?

    sumber : Cn’S English magazine vol 8 No.61
    date:31 January-febuari 2009
    page:36

  16. NASTY BUG

    Every night,Harold would go down to the liquor store,get a six pack,bring it at home and drink it while he watched TV.One night as finished his last beer.the door bell rang.he stumble to the door and found six foot cockroach standing there.The Bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room,and left

    The next night,after he finished his 3th beer,The door bell rang.
    He Walked slowly to the door ad found the same six foot cockroach standing there.The big bug punched him in the stomach,then left.

    The next night,after he finished his 1st beer,the door bell rang again.the same six foot cockroach was standing there. this time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain.Then the big bug left.

    the fourth night Harold didn’t drink at all.The doorbell rang.The cockroach was standing there.the bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

    The following day, Harold went to see his doctor.He explained events of the preceding four nights.”What can I do? he pleaded.

    “not much”the doctors replied. “There’s just a nasty bug going around.”

    http://www.funnystory.com

  17. Lost and Never Found

    My dad is a golf freak. Since he likes to ask me to accompany him playing golf, I’m getting crazy about it, too. Besides playing it, I also like to join golf tourments. in the last tournament i joined, some thing embarssing happened to me.

    in the middleof the game, my ball landed in a mud pond. not wanting to give up, I approached the pond and tried to find the ball with my club. After about five minutes. I still couldn’t find my ball, but worse, i couldn’t pull out my club. it seemedto be stuck on something. I waded into the pond and groped around with my hand, trying to find the ball. Then igave up! I got out of the pond and found out that i hadn’t only lost my ball and my club, but also my shoes. I was very embarassed because all the people were watchung.!

    Magazine : C’NS
    Voleme : 31
    Number : 17
    date : juni 2004

  18. the trouble maker

    while visiting a country school, the chairman of the board of education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making the next room.
    angrily, he opened the door ang grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of thetalking. He dragged the boys to the next room and stood him the corner.
    A few minutes later , a small boy stuck hi head in the room and pleaded,” Please,sir,may we have our tacher back?”

    mAGAZINE c’ns
    volume 1
    no 1
    13 maret 2001

  19. Ferocious Lion

    Bert was Tellinh his friend justin about his safari trip in Africa. “….. i came face to face with a ferocious Lion. He was snarling, showing mw his long sharp teeth.he was literally salivating at seeing me. man! I’d never been so scared before.”

    ” wow! I am glad i wasn’t in your shoes! so what happened next? did you shoot him?”

    “No, I didn’t have my gun with me.”
    “you didnt?oh man!that was really dumb.”

    “Yeah, it was so stupid of me. Anyway,there I stood alone, without a gun. The Lion crept closer and closer and closer… and I …”Bert stooped and heaved a deep sigh. Impatiently, justin cried,”Come on, man! what did you do?

    “His pal shrugged his showders and said, “what could I do? I moved on to the next cage.”

    Source : C’Ns magazine
    Volume : 2
    Number :11
    made : 24 August 2007

  20. OH BOY
    My 2-year-old nephew and I were queuing at a cashier in a department store when he tugged at my shirt with awful look on his face.

    I asked him what was wrong and he very loudly said,”I think the lady in front of us farted,cause her butt stinks!”Everyone around us heard it.

    I was so ashmed. I apologized to everyone,especially to the lady in front of me,and then pretended that I had forgotten something so we could just get uot of there quickly!!!

    Sumber:CNS english Magazine vol.4 No.29
    Date: January-February 2005
    page: 65

  21. BEAUTIFUL ME

    i like teasing my sister, one day. when she was busy cramming for exams, i wore my mom’s earinng and put on her lipstick and started to tease my sister, i kept on teasing her until my mom yelled at me “Catur, leave your sister alone! you’d better go to the gas station to fill the tank of your dad’s motorcycle”

    so off i went to the gas station . strangely, the people there were friendler than they usually are. they all smiled at me some of them laughed together.

    on my way home, i saw my sister so asked her, “hey sis is there something wrong with me.?
    it seems that everyone is so friendly and today. they all smiled and laughed at the gas station ”
    my sister, suddenly burst out laughing and said “of course they were . you’re still wearing mom’s lipstick and earings”
    “what?? Gosh!” i rode home in a hurry.

    Source :
    Magazine Cool n Smart
    Volume: 7
    Number:55
    Date: April – May 2008

  22. BEST IN THE LAND

    A group of hikers are led through the US wilderness by a guide . on the third day, the hikers notice that they have been traveling in circles.
    “we’re lost” one of the men complaints .
    “i thought you said you were the best guide in the United States.”
    “I am” the guide answer,
    “but i think we may have wandered into Canada”

    SOURCE

    magazine : CNS
    volume: 4
    Date: 30 Maret2005

  23. HUMAN BOWLING BALL
    My schoolmates and i went alley. This was the first time i went bowling, so i tried several different techniques. One of them was running into the lane, which seemed to work for me. I used the techniques several times and i got good score. But i what didn’t realize was that at a certain poin the lane was very slippery because the floor was greased to help the ball go down the lane. I ran past the poin and ended up falling on my butt. Both my feet flew from under me and i slid halfway along the lane.

    Source: CNS Magazine
    Volume: 4
    Number: 29
    Page: 65
    Date: January-February 2005

  24. Investigating a Terrible Accident

    In a terrible accident there were no survivor except a monkey.Since there were no witnesses,the police could not determine. A last,they turned the monkey.Because the monkey seemed able to respond with gestures,the police officer decidedto interrogate.it

    “what were the people doing on the bus?”
    The monkey shakes his head in a disapproving manner and a starts dancing around, meaning a people were dancing and having fun”OK, but what else were they doing?”

    The monkey take his hand to his mouth as if holding a bottle. “Oh! they were drinking, Huh?! OK, were they doing anything else?”

    The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, mimicking singing.

    The chief loses his patience, “if they were having such a great time, who was driving the bus then?”

    The monkey cheerfully swings his arm around as if operating steering wheel.

    Magazine ; C’nS
    Volume ; 7
    Number ; 55
    Date ; April-may 2008

  25. The Three Wishes

    The bear and the rabbit didnt like each other very much. One day, while they were walkinh through the woods, they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said:”Oh I dont often meet anyone in these parts. They were amazed that the frog had talked to them. The golden frog told them,” mind you,when I do meet someone I always give them three wishes. So you can have three wishes each.”

    The Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females.

    “Done!”Said the frog.The rabbit,after thinking for a while, said,” I want a crash helmed.”One appeared immediately and he placed it on his head. The bears thougt the rabbit was a fool,but carried on with his second wish.
    “I want all the bears in the neighboring forests to be females as well.” The frog granted his wish. The Rabbit then said,” I want a motorcycle.” It appeared before him, and he climbed on it and started revving the engine.

    “Those were two of the stupides wishes I have ever heard,” The bear remarket scronfully. He then made his final wish, which was that all the other bears in the world were females as well,leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done,and they both turned to the rabbit for his last wish.

    The Rabbit reffed engine, thought for a second, then said” I wish that Mr. Bear here was gay!”and rode of as fast as he could.”

    Source : C’Ns Magazine
    Volume : 2
    Number : 11
    Made : 24 August 2007

  26. Please cheat quiet

    This happened when was in high school. One Monday morning, the economics teacher gave us a test.As usual, All the books were to be put inside our bags,which were to put inside the desk drawer.
    In the middle of the best,I got stuck, I couldn’t think of anything.When I looked to the left, I saw my friend copying answers from a book. So I whispered to him to give me the answer to one of the problems.He wrote down the answer on a small piece of paper,crumpled it,and threw it to me.But it fell too far away from me.
    I tried my best to reach the paper,but to no avail.Suddenly,CRASH! fell off my chair! Everybody , including the teacher,Was Shockred to hear that noise.Then they laughed so loudly till they cried.
    Then my teacher approached me and whispered to me , “if you want to copy your friend’s answer,don’t make such a noise ,” it was the most embarrassing experience I’ve ever had.

    Magazine : cool n smart
    Volume : 7
    Number : 55
    Date : April – Maret 2008

  27. An Unforgettable Birthday Party

    A party is usually something fun to remember. Mine was the opposite. The disaster occurred two years ago on my 14th birthday. My parents and my friends were in the living room, celebrating my big day. I was getting ready to blow out all of the candles on the cake. Being my usual clumsy self, I put my face right above the cake before puffing with all my might. All of a sudden I had candle wax all over my face. It was not too hot, but I was shocked, and I screamed. Looking at my face, everybody laughed. I was so embarrassed. What a birthday party !

    Source : C ‘N’ S Magazine
    Vol.4 No. 30 February-March 2005

  28. PIG STORY

    Zelko was known for his arrogance. he thought himself the smartest guy arround and looked down on everyone from the village head to the lowliest farmhand. one day he was walking home dragging behind him a goat he’d bought at tha market when he met dumba, the viiage idiot. as soon as dumba spotted Zelko with the goat, he yelled, “Hey, what are you doing with that pig?” Zelko started to laugh and said scornfully, “you fool! no wonder the call you the village idiot. this is a goat, not a pig, you dumbhead!”
    dumba gazed at him in bewilderment and said, “sorry, Zelko, but wasn’t talking to you. i was talking to the goat!”

    Source : C ‘N’ S Magazine
    vo : 2 no : 17
    date : 11 Oktober – November 2002

  29. HUMAN BOWLING BALL
    My schoolmates and I went to a bowling alley.This was the first time I went bowling,so I tried several different techniques.One of them was running into the lane,which seemed to work for me.I used that technique several times and I got good scores.But what I didn’t realize was that at a certain point the lane was very slippery because the floor was greased to help the ball go dow the lane.I ran past that point and ended up falling on my butt.Both my feet flew from under me and I slid halfway along the lane!

    Source: C’ns magazine
    Vol:4
    No:29
    Page:65
    Date:February 2005

  30. Super woman

    I was hospitalized for a week. At lunch time, a hospital staff came to my room to deliver my lunch. The woman put the lunch tray on my bed. The menu was porridge, vegetable soup, beef and fruit. It wasn’t really appetizing but my doctor said that I needed some protein to speed up my recovery. So I decide to eat the beef. I didn’t know why but I couldn’t cut the beef with my spoon. Oh well…. Maybe I was too week, I thought. I mustered my strength and tried again. Suddenly, the spoon handle became crooked. I rang tha bell for a nurse. On the intercom, a female voice asked me what she could do for me. I told her what happened. The nurse said that she would come and bring me another spoon. The nurse came with two other nurse. One of them teased me by saying, “Wow! Look at the spoon. Now that you’re strong enough to bend the spoon, I think you will check out from this hospital real soon, superwoman.” I could only smile weakly at the giggling nurse

  31. Super woman
    I was hospitalized for a week. At lunch time, a hospital staff came to my room to deliver my lunch. The woman put the lunch tray on my bed. The menu was porridge, vegetable soup, beef and fruit. It wasn’t really appetizing but my doctor said that I needed some protein to speed up my recovery. So I decide to eat the beef. I didn’t know why but I couldn’t cut the beef with my spoon. Oh well…. Maybe I was too week, I thought. I mustered my strength and tried again. Suddenly, the spoon handle became crooked. I rang tha bell for a nurse. On the intercom, a female voice asked me what she could do for me. I told her what happened. The nurse said that she would come and bring me another spoon. The nurse came with two other nurse. One of them teased me by saying, “Wow! Look at the spoon. Now that you’re strong enough to bend the spoon, I think you will check out from this hospital real soon, superwoman.” I could only smile weakly at the giggling nurse

    Source : Cn’s magazine
    Vol : 6
    No : 46
    Date : February 2007

  32. The Christian Bear
    There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he decided to go hunting instead.

    He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.

    He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around a tree he triped over its root.

    He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his hands together and prayed:

    “Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian.”

    the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said: “Dear lord, Thankyou for the food that i am about to recieve”

  33. dinner a la carte

    robbie decided to try out the new italian restaurant downtown.aftre cerfully studying the menu with the strange sounding names, he told the waiter, “OK, I’ll have Spimoni Vermatelli. “Where do you see that,sir?”
    “Here, right at the top uf the menu.”
    “oh, but that’s the name of the owner.”
    embarrassed, Robbie decided to play it safe and ordered jist clear soup. soon the waiter brought him empty plate. while waiting for his order to arrive, Robbie noticed that the plate wasn’t properly dried, so he called the waiter again.
    “waiter, look at this plate!”
    “what’s wrong with it,sir?”
    “can’t you see? why, it’s still wet!”
    ‘oh, but that’s your claer soup,sir.”

    spource : C ‘N’ S Magazine
    vol : 2
    no : 33
    date : 13 january – february

  34. The Christian Bear

    There was a man who one day didnt feel like going to church so he decided to go hunting instead.

    He was out in the bush when he was aproched from behind by a bear. He dropped his gun by accident but didnt bother to pick it up.

    He ran for his life. Weaving in and out the trees with the bear on his trail. Curving around a tree he triped over its root.

    He looked up and the bear looked down. The bear was about to strike at him. He put his hands together and prayed:

    “Dear lord, Please let this bear be a christian.”

    the bear sat down on its bum and held the mans hands, closed his eyes and said: “Dear lord, Thankyou for the food that i am about to recieve”

    source : http://www.onlyfunnystories.com
    vol : 21 from left
    date : 4 march 2009

  35. Please cheat quiet
    This happened when was in high school. One Monday morning, the economics teacher gave us a test.As usual, All the books were to be put inside our bags,which were to put inside the desk drawer.
    In the middle of the best,I got stuck, I couldn’t think of anything.When I looked to the left, I saw my friend copying answers from a book. So I whispered to him to give me the answer to one of the problems.He wrote down the answer on a small piece of paper,crumpled it,and threw it to me.But it fell too far away from me.
    I tried my best to reach the paper,but to no avail.Suddenly,CRASH! fell off my chair! Everybody , including the teacher,Was Shockred to hear that noise.Then they laughed so loudly till they cried.
    Then my teacher approached me and whispered to me , “if you want to copy your friend’s answer,don’t make such a noise ,” it was the most embarrassing experience I’ve ever had.
    Magazine : cool n smart
    Volume : 7
    Number : 55
    Date : April – Maret 2008

  36. Thunder and Lightning

    A concerned mother picked up her daughter at school during a rainy day. All day the wind whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. She was worried that her daughter would be frightened.
    When she reached her daughter’s at school, she saw her small child walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up at the sky,and smile. One flash followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling.
    Finally, the mother called and asked, “What are you doing!”.
    Her child answered, “I’m smiling for God, He keeps taking pictures of me.”

    Source : C ‘n S magazine
    Vol : 7
    No : 54
    Date : September-October 2008

  37. HAPPY NEW YEAR
    I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old nephew started to cry and wanted to come into the shower too. So I let him into bathroom. Then he wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. The results were so great that I had decided to make some copies of one of them and attach them to my New Year cards.

    Days later, a relative called, laughing hysterically, and suggested I take a closer look at the picture. Puzzled, I started at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my nephew, my own reflection had been captured in the bathroom mirror-wearing nothing but a camera.
    Source:C n’s magazine
    Vol :4
    No:29
    Page:65
    Date:February

  38. PIG STORY

    Zelko was known for his arrogance. he thought himself the smartest guy arround and looked down on everyone from the village head to the lowliest farmhand. one day he was walking home dragging behind him a goat he’d bought at the market when he met dumba, the village idiot. as soon as dumba spotted zelko with the goat, he yelled, “hey, what are you doing with that pig?” zelko started to laught and said scornfully, “you fool! no wonder they call you the village idiot. this is a goat, not a pig, you dumbhead!”
    dumba gazed at him in bewilderment and said, “sorry, zelko,but I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking o the goat!”

    Source : C ‘N’ S Magazine
    Vol : 2
    No : 17
    Date : 11 Oktober – November 2002

  39. Lost Sandals

    When one of the student organizations at my campus held a two-day event in carita,i decided to join it.Unfortunately,right after we arrived,i lost my flip-flops.Consequently,every time i went outdoors,i had to borrow a pair of sandals from someone.After a while,i had enough of it.So,during a campfire night,while everybody was sitting around the fire and eating their bellies full of grilled fish,I grabbed a nearby bullhorn and shouted,”anyone who’s wearing my sandals,please GIVE THEM BACK to me!’ At once someone among the seated crowd shouted back at me,”And give ME back MY sandals now,girl!”How embarrassing!

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol: 4
    No: 30
    february-march 2005

  40. Two Blind Pilots

    Two blind pilots both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

    Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

    The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into t heir magazines, secure in the knowledge that the pl ane is in good hands.

    In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,”ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die.”

    Sourc : only funny story
    vol : 22
    date : 04 marc 2009

  41. OUT In the Woods

    A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the dep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator,”My friend is dead!
    What can I do?”
    The operator , in a calm and soothing voice,says,” Alright,take it easy. I can help. First,
    l easy make sure he’s dead.”there is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line.”Ok.Now what?”

    Magazine: C&S
    Volume: 6
    Nunber: 46
    Date: march 2007

  42. PARENTS

    Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I am really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I am worried sick!”
    The other kid says, ” what have you got to worry about? Sound to me like you don’t have anything to worry about.”
    The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol : 7
    No : 54
    Augustus – September 2008

  43. PARENTS

    Two kids are talking to each other. One says, “I am really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I am worried sick!”
    The other kid says, ” what have you got to worry about? Sound to me like you don’t have anything to worry about.”
    The first kid says, “What if they try to escape?”

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol : 7
    No : 54
    Augustus – September 2008

  44. Help! I’m trapped

    On a sunday morning, my boyfriend and I were jogging in Senayan. It was so crowded not only with people who wanted to jog but also with the vendors. We jogged around the track a few times, then took a rest because Iwas tired. We went into one of the tents at the “Soto Betawi’ stall and took a seat. I sat there alone while my boyfriend ordered the food. Suddenly, a bicycle approached the stall very fast and whacked the buffer pole. The tent fell and covered me up. Everybody laughed at me, including my boyfriend. I ignored my pain and left immediataly. Ifelt so ashamad!!!

  45. my funny story is:
    Shop Lifter

    an 80-year-old woman was arrested for shop lifting. when she went before the judge, he asked her,”what did you steal?”
    she replied,”A can of peaches.”
    the judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
    The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
    When she replied six, the judge then said,” I will give you six days in jail.”

    Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, somebody spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said, ” what is it?”
    “Your Honor, i’m her husband. She also stole a can of peas.”

    Source:
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 8 No. 61
    Page :36
    Date : January-February 2009

  46. Elementary, my dear Watson

    Sherlock Holmes and dr.Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
    “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”Watson replies, “i see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson ponders for a minute. “astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that saturns is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”
    Holmes is silent for a moment, then speak, “Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!”.

    Source : C’N’S Magazine
    Vol : 6
    No : 46
    Date : March 2007

  47. Help! I’m trapped

    On a sunday morning, my boyfriend and I were jogging in Senayan. It was so crowded not only with people who wanted to jog but also with the vendors. We jogged around the track a few times, then took a rest because Iwas tired. We went into one of the tents at the “Soto Betawi’ stall and took a seat. I sat there alone while my boyfriend ordered the food. Suddenly, a bicycle approached the stall very fast and whacked the buffer pole. The tent fell and covered me up. Everybody laughed at me, including my boyfriend. I ignored my pain and left immediataly. Ifelt so ashamad!!!

    Source : C n S Magazine

    Volume : 2

    Number : 33

    mounth & years : 13 January-February 2003

  48. Magazine : C n’S
    Volume : 2
    Number :13
    Date : 11 oct – nov 2002

    BEING POLITE

    One day,Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter brought out two steaks,Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn’t happy about it and said sharply,”When are you going to learn to be polite?”
    “If you had the chance to pick first,”Bill answered,”which one would you pick?”
    “The smaller piece,of course.”
    “So what are you whining about than? The smaller piece what you want,right?”

  49. Never Say No

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No,ma’am,we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”Alarmed,the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said,”That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course,we’ll have some soon. in fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”

    Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,”Never,never,never… say we don’t have something. if we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, wht was it she wanted?”
    “Snow.”

  50. Never Say No

    A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No,ma’am,we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.”Alarmed,the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said,”That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course,we’ll have some soon. in fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”

    Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled,”Never,never,never… say we don’t have something. if we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way. Now, wht was it she wanted?”
    “Snow.”

    Source:
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 3 No 21
    Page : 36
    Date : January-February 2004

  51. CAR PRIVILEGES

    The mother and father had just given their teenage daughter family car privileges. On saturday night she return home very late from a party.

    The next morning her father went out to the driveway. To get the newpaper and came back into the house frowning, at 11:30 AM the girl sleeping walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, “sweetheart what time did you get in last night?”

    “Not too late dad,” she raplied nervously.

    Camlmly, her father said, thennoney. I’ll have to talk with the paper boy a bout puttingmy paper under the front tire of the car”.

    Source : C ‘n S magazine
    Vol : 8
    No : 62
    Hal : 36
    Date : FebRuaRy-March 2009

  52. BEING HELPFULL

    Sandy began a job asan elementary school counselor and she was eager to help.One day durring recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer on the ather.

    Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.
    The girl said she was.
    A little while later,however,sandy noticed that the girl was in the same spot,still by herself.

    Approaching again,sandy offered.”would you like me to be your friend?”.
    The girl he sitated,then said.”OK”.Felling she was making progress,sandy then asked,”why are you standing here all alone?”because,”the little girl said with great exasperation,”i’m the goal keeper!”

    SOURCE : C’nS MAGAZINE
    VOLUME : 7
    NO. : 53
    PAGE : 19
    DATE : JANUARY – FEBRUARY 2008

  53. Thunder and Lightning

    A concerned mother picked up her daughter at school during a rainy day. All day the wind whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. She was worried that her daughter would be frightened.
    When she reached her daughter’s at school, she saw her small child walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up at the sky,and smile. One flash followed another, each time with her child stopping, looking at the streak of light and smiling.
    Finally, the mother called and asked, “What are you doing!”.
    Her child answered, “I’m smiling for God, He keeps taking pictures of me.”

    Source : C ‘n S magazine
    Vol : 7
    No : 54
    Date : february – march 2008

  54. NAME : TOPIK HIDAYAT
    Class : XI.IPA.1
    No Abcen: 34
    No Induk : 6093

    —- FORGETFUL—-

    “George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complain to his secretary. “It’s a wonder he can sell and I’m not sure he’ll even remember to come back.”

    Just then the door files open and in bounces George. “You ‘ll never guess what happened! “he shouts.” While I was at lunch. I met old man brown, who hasn’t bought anything fromus in five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half – million dollar order!”

    “See?” Sighs the sales manager to his secretary.” I told you hed forget the Sandwiches.”

    Source : c’ns magazine
    Volume : 6
    No. : 47
    Page : 26

  55. FORGETFUL

    “George is so forgetful,” the sales manager complain to his secretary. “It’s a wonder he can sell and I’m not sure he’ll even remember to come back.”

    Just then the door files open and in bounces George. “You ‘ll never guess what happened! “he shouts.” While I was at lunch. I met old man brown, who hasn’t bought anything fromus in five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half – million dollar order!”

    “See?” Sighs the sales manager to his secretary.” I told you hed forget the Sandwiches.”

    Source : c’ns magazine
    Volume : 6
    No. : 47
    Page : 26

  56. 100 Rupiah

    One night a man was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of a sudden. Man and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. They rolled about on the ground, and the man put up a tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through the man’s pocket’s and searched him all over. there was only a 100-Rupiah coin he could lay his hands on.

    The thief was so surprised at this that he asked the man why he had bothered to fight so hard just for a 100-Rupiah Coin .
    ” Was that all you wanted?” said the man, ” I thought you were after the one-million rupiah I’ve got in my shoe!”

    Source :
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 3 No 21
    Page : 36
    Date : January-February 2004

  57. uNderwEar oH uNderweaR

    This happened one morning when I was still a kid in a play group school. I used to take a bath by myself while my mother was preparing my uniform. Then, I would put on the uniform, have breakfast, and go to school.
    On that day, one of the lessons was physical exercise. We kids had to run in the school yard in our uniforms. While running, I suddenly felt my panties slip all the way down to my shoes! I picked them up and, to prevent them for falling down again, I had to hold on to them tightly every time I ran. I really had no idea why my underwear was so loose.
    A s soon as I arrived home, I told my mother about what had happened at school. She got curious and immediately checked my panties. We were astonished to find that the underwear I was wearing was actually my mother’s! Both of us had really good laugh.
    Apparently when my mother was getting my uniform ready that morning, she was still sleepy and opened the wrong wardrobe; my wardrobe and my mother’s were side by side.

    sOurcE : c’ns magazine vol.7 no.54 FeBruary-
    MarcH 2008

  58. FLORIST MISTAKE

    On opening his new store, a man receives a bouquet of flowers. He becomes dismayed on reading the enclosed card because it expresses “deepest sympathy”. While puzzling over the message, his telephone rings. It is the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. “oh, its alright”, says the storeowner. ‘iam a businessman and I understand these things can happen. “but”, add the florist, “I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party. “well, what did it say?” asks the streowner. “congratulations on your new location”, is the reply

  59. FLORIST MISTAKE

    On opening his new store, a man receives a bouquet of flowers. He becomes dismayed on reading the enclosed card because it expresses “deepest sympathy”. While puzzling over the message, his telephone rings. It is the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. “oh, its alright”, says the storeowner. ‘iam a businessman and I understand these things can happen. “but”, add the florist, “I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party. “well, what did it say?” asks the streowner. “congratulations on your new location”, is the reply

    source:cns magazine vol.6 no.47 april-may 2007

  60. We accept american express

    A businessman calls a travel agent asking about the documents he needs in order to fly to China.After a lengthy discussion about passports, the agent reminds him he needs a visa. “Oh,no, I don’t. I’ve benn to china many times and never had to have one of those.”

  61. Clever Customer

    A customer sends an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. Noticing that the customer hasn’t paid the previous bill, the collections manager leaves a voice-mail for the customer, saying, “we can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”
    the next day the collections manager receives reply voice-mail from the customer, “Please cancel the order. we can’t wait that long.”

    source :C`nS Magazine vol. 6 No. 45 month : January-february 2007

  62. TwO aNGry NEIghbORs

    Two neighbors have been fighting eech other for years.one day bob buys a great dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in bill’s yard.For one whole yard bill ignores the dog.Next bob buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in bill’s yard.Still, Bill doesn’t react.
    After about a year of bob’s cow messing of bill’s yard,a container parks in front of bill’s house.Bob runs over and demands to know what’s in the 18-wheeler.
    “My new pet elephant,”bill replies solemly.

    magazine:cOoL N’ sMarT
    volume :7
    number :55
    date: :april may 2008

    m.ayuvi
    XI is 2

  63. We Accept American Express

    A businessman calls a travel agent asking about the documents he needs in order to fly to China.After a lengthy discussion about passports, the agent reminds him he needs a visa.”Oh,no, I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have a one of those.”
    The agent double checks and sure enough, he stay requires a visa. When the agent tells him this, the businessman says, “ Look, I’ve benn to China four times and every time they have accepted my American express.”

  64. We Accept American Express
    A businessman calls a travel agent asking about the documents he needs in order to fly to China.After a lengthy discussion about passports, the agent reminds him he needs a visa.”Oh,no, I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have a one of those.”
    The agent double checks and sure enough, he stay requires a visa. When the agent tells him this, the businessman says, “ Look, I’ve benn to China four times and every time they have accepted my American express.”

    magazine : C n S
    volume : 6
    number : 46
    date : March 2007

  65. My poor Abang OjEg

    can’t stand the traffic in Jakarta. That’s why i’m an ojek Lover’s. The ojek driver near my place usually compete in taking me to school.One day the one who was supposed to take me started the engine while i wasbout to climb onto the pillion seat.But than i saw that the seat was dirty and a bit moist. So i took out some tissue paper and started to wipe the seat.What happened next left me laughing for more than half and hour: The ojeg driver speed away.thinking that i was already sitting behind him! The rest of the ojeg driver also laughed their heads off.from that day on ,this poor ojeg driver has become the target of his comrades’regular joke,”don’t forget your passengger.

    magazine:C’n S magazine
    volume: 7
    No 56 may-june 2008

  66. a four year old boy and his father went to beach.there was a dead seagull lying on the sand.
    boy asked to his father,”dad,what happened to the birdie ?
    and his father answer,”son,a bird died and went to heaven, but the god threw him back down.
    and boy to kick a seagull went him back heaven. . . .

    from :c ‘n s magazine
    vol.3 no.21
    january-february 2004

  67. The Bus Incident

    One day I took a bus to go to my friends house. the bus was fairly full, so i stood at the back of the bus. while i was standing, i saw a cute girl staring at me at she moved towards me. i became a bit embarrassed, thinking she might fancy me. She stood next to me and whispered that my fly was open, i was so Embarrassed, i got off the bus without even thinking the girl

    Source : C’N’S Magazine
    Vol. 4 No. 30 February-March 2005

  68. source : CNS magazine.vol 7 NO.49 july-agust 2007

    ZIPPER INCIDENT

    One morning, my brother and I rode with our father halfway to the office. when we got to the pancoran area,which is my usual drop-off zone, I got out and started to cross streetto get on the bus when suddenly I heard a voice on a loudspeaker, “MBAK…MBAK…!!” I looked around and saw a policeman becknowing to me. Well, OK,the Pancoran street is really wide. So,maybe he actually needed that loudspeaker. But why? What wrongs with me? was it because i didn’t use the zebra cross? I was so scared, but I came up to him ask with an innocent face and in the gentle voice i could produce, “Yes, Sir?” The policeman said,”So you wont be embarrassed later…” The loudspeaker was still on!! His voice echoed through the whole street.
    Everyone instantly looked in our direction, even those standing far, far away from us. And then he countinued, “You forgot to zip up your skrt.” Luckily, he didnt say that the last sentence on the loudspeaker. Of course I couldn’t zip up my skirt under those watchful eyes, so I just covered its back with my big bag. OH, GOSH!! What a bad start…!!!!!!

  69. Bye-Bye Transjakarta

    The other day my buddies and i decided to take the Tansjakarta bus to Blok M. After buying the tickets, we had to wait at the bus shelter. We waited and waited, but the bus didn’t show up. My friends surely had more patience and discipline than i did. At the head of two neat lines, they stood right before the sliding doors ready to get on the bus as soon as it arrived. And what did i do? i sat on one of the benches in the shelter, absorbed in reading a newspaper. More passengers came and stood behind my buddies, but the bus was nowhere to be seen. I was so engrossed in the newspaper that i didn’t pay attention to may surroundings. The bus came and the queuing passengers had begun entering the vehicle. As my buddies and the other passengers jostled each other to get on the bus, my pals kept shouting my name. I made a dash for the bus, but it was too late. The bus had closed it’s doors. Icould only smile meekly at my departing, still shouting buddies and a horde of sympathetic faces looking at me from inside the bus. Ihad to catch the next bus alone to get to Blok M. What a journey!

    Source: C’ns magazine
    Volume: 6
    Number: 46
    date: march 2007

  70. The Three Wishes

    The bear and the rabbit didn’t like each other very much. One day, while they were walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. The frog turned to them and said: ” Oh, i don’t often meet anyone in these parts”. They were amazed that the frog had talked to them. The golden frog told them, ” Mind you, when i do meet someone i always give them three wishes. So you can have three wishes each”.
    The bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females.
    “Done!” said the frog. The rabbit, after thinking for a while, said, ” I want a crash helmet. ” One appeared immeditely, and he placed it on his head. The bear thought the rabbit was a fool, but carried on with his second wish. ” I wany all the bears in the neighboring forests to be females as well “. The frog granted his wish. The rabbit then said, ” I want a motorcycle.” It appeared before him, and he climbed on it and started revving the engine.
    ” Those were two of the stupidest wishes i’ve ever heard,” the bear remarked scornfully. He then made his final wish, which was that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to the rabbit for his last wish.
    The rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said: ” I wish that Mr. Bear here was gay!” and rode off as fast as he could!

    magazine : CnS
    Volume : 2
    No : 11 (11 November 2002)

    Nama : Kartina Sari
    Kelas : XI.IPS.3

  71. Miss,Miss…..Mister?

    Ilike to wear my hair long. several months ago, i was walking from school and a car pulled over right next to me. And then I heard a guy’s voice asking me, ” hay, sexy! whats your phone number?” I continued walking with my head down, thinking that he was just being a jerk. Then he said, “please babe i want you to be my girlfriend.” I looked up, pulled the hair a way from my face and said, ” What?” the guy looked horrified and said to his friend in the car, “gosh! it’s a guy!” and then they sped off like a bat out of heel.

    source: C’ns magazine
    volume: 3
    number: 21
    date: january- february 2004

  72. a four year old boy and his father went to beach.there was a dead seagull lying on the sand.
    boy asked to his father,”dad,what happened to the birdie ?
    and his father answer,”son,a bird died and went to heaven, but the god threw him back down.
    and boy to kick a seagull went him back heaven. . . .

    from :c ‘n s magazine
    vol.3 no.21
    january-february 2004

  73. OOPS…..!!!!

    “I Think the principal is dummy!” said a boy to a girl. “Well,do you know who I am?” asked the girl.
    “No,” replied the boy.
    “I am the principal’s doughter,”said the girl.
    “and do you know who I am ?” asked the boy.
    “No,” she replied.
    “Thank goodness!” said the boy with sigh of relief,and ran off.

    Source : C’nS mAGAZINE
    VoL : 6
    dATE : Agustus-September 2008
    no : 58

    Name : MoNiCha R

    cLass : XI-Is 3

  74. source : Cns magazine vol.7 no.49 july-august 2007

    MY DEAR FOREHEAD

    One night I was worried sick because Istill didn’t have the money to pay the last installment of my course fee. And the deadline was the next day!! After scrounging around among all my belongings, including my piggy bank,I was relieved to find some money in my binder. So the next day, I went to LIA Gunung Sahari to pay the fee. After getting the receipt I thought happily, ” Well, everything is OK now.”
    Apparently Iwas too happy to see the glass door in front of me. And “Wham!” I crashed against the door. Everyone in the room could hear the sound and started to gri at me. The office clerk hollered in, “Oh my God !! Please be careful!!” Iwalked out feeling totally freaked out, complete with a swoolen and red forehead.

  75. SCORES

    When Suzy got home,she told her dad that she got 100 in school.

    Her dad,”Great! let’s sit down and tell me more about it.”

    Suzy,”well,I got a 20 in math,in 30 in science and a 50 in writing!”

    Source : C’nS MaGazinE

    Vol : 6

    daTe : Agustus – September 2008

    no : 58

    page : 24

    Name : Nurdiani

    kelas XI-Is 3

  76. WE CAN’T DO THAT

    A student us heading home for the holidays. When she gets to the airline counter, she presents a ticket to New York. As she hands the agent her luggage, she say, “I’d like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London.”
    The confused agent stammers, “I—I’m sorry, we can’t do that.”
    “Really? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that’s exactly what you did to my luggage last year!”

    Source: cns magazine Vol: 06 No: 44 Nov-Des 06

  77. i have a younger brother named arief.he is five years old. he is cute but sometimes annoying. he asks a lot of question about everything every time everywhere. mom often can’t answer his question and promises to give him the answer later.but my dad usually can answer all his question .but arief is never satisfied.arief sometime asks me question too but mostly i don’t know the answer.sometime i tell him to stop asking but mom says it’s good that arief want know about a lot of thing’

    from : bobo magazine
    02 february 2006

  78. my funny story is :

    Paying in Advance

    A motorist,driving by a texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. the driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. he then asked what the animal was worth.

    “Oh, about $200 today,” said the rancher. “but in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out.”

    The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
    “Here,”he said,” is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now.”

    Source :
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 3 No.21
    Page : 36
    Date : January-February 2004

  79. Miss,Miss… Mister??

    I like to wear my hair long. several months ago, I was walking from School and a car pulled over right next to me. and then I heard a guy’s voice asking me, “Hey,sexy!! what’s your phone number?” I continued walking with my head down, thinking that he was just being a jerk.
    Then he said,”Please,babe, I want you to be my girlfriend .” I looked up, pulled the hair away from my face and said,” what?” The guy looked horrified and said to his friend in the car,”Gosh! It’s a guy!” and then they sped off like a bat out of hell.

    source :
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 3 No.21
    Page : 36
    Date : January-February 2004

  80. GEOGRAPHY CLASS
    Teacher : What is the axis of the earth ?
    Student : The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves.
    Teacher : Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line?
    Student : Yes, sir.
    Teacher : Indeed, and what sort of clothes?
    Student : Imaginary clothes, sir.

    No. : 53
    Vol. :7
    Source :cns
    Date :dec-jan 2008

  81. SKIP THE SKIPPING, PLEASE……..

    The doctor decided do put his over weight patient on a diet. ” I want you to eat regularly for two days,” the physician directed, “then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see u, you should have lost at least five pounds. ”
    When the man returned, he had lost 20 pounds. “You did this just by following my instructions?” the doctor asked. The man nodded. “I’ll tell you, thought, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
    “From hunger?”
    “No, from skipping.”

    source: cns magazine
    vol: 6
    numb: 43 nov-dec

  82. Four Languages

    A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia,pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. “Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch?” The two Aussies just stare at him.
    “Excusez-moi,parlez vous Francais?” he tries again. The two countinue to stare.
    “Parlare Italiano?”
    No response.
    “Hablan ustedes Espanol?”
    Still nothing.
    The Swiss guy drives off, extremely frustrated. the first Aussie turns to the second and says, “Y’know, maybe we should learn a forgein language.”
    “Why?” says the other. “That guy knows four languages, and it didn’t do him any good.”

    Source : C’nS Magazine
    vol : 6
    no : 44
    date : nov-des 2006

    name : Novita P
    class : XI sos 3

  83. DISCUSSING SCORES
    A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. “What’s the matter, girl?” asked his mother. “Aw, gee, “said the girl. “It’s my scores. They’re all wet.” “What do you mean ‘all wet ?”
    “ I mean, “he replied, “below C-level.”

    No. : 53
    Vol. :7
    Source :cns
    Date :dec-jan 2008

  84. BUSINESS TRICK
    A grocer puts up a sign that reads “Eggplants, 25c each – three for a dollar.”
    All day long, customers come in exclaiming, “Don’t be ridiculous ! I should get four for a dollar !” Every time, quietly the grocer concedes and packages four eggplants. The tailor next door has been watching these antics and finally asks the grocer, “Aren’t you going to fix the mistaken on your sign ?”
    “What mistake?” the grocer asks. “ Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant.”

    No. : 47
    Vol. :6
    Source :cns
    Date :apr-may 2007

  85. JOB BENEFITS
    During a job interview, an applicant inquires about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informs her they have group health and life insurance, but the costs are deducted from the employees’ pay. The applicant says, “ My last company had full health coverage, as well as five year’s salary for life insurance and a month’s salary for life insurance and a month’s sick leave AND they paid the full premiums.”
    “Then why would you leave a job with such benefits?” the interviewer asks back.
    The applicant shrugs and says, “The company went bankrupt.”

    No. : 47
    Vol. :6
    Source :cns
    Date :apr-may 2007

  86. SHOO!
    “ Yes, mom … I’II be there in five minutes. No, I’m still with Nina. See you real soon. “I ended my phone conversation on my mobile with my mom and started gossiping again with my schoolmate, Nina. My mom had been shopping at a mall nearby my school. That’s why my mom asked me to have lunch together there. Heading for the mall, I was giggling unvontrollably when Nina told me a very funny story about one of our classmates. I was so absorbed in the hilarity that I didn’t pay attention to where I was going. I fell into a roadside gutter full of trash and yucky goo. I was so shocked. With Nina’s help, I managed to get out of the gutter. In spite of my pathetic appearance, I insisted on meeting my mom. The situation was bad enough for me with everybody staring at me. But it got worse at the entrance of the mall. A secyrity guard was shouting at me, “Hey, stop ! Beggars are not allowed to enter!” I bit my lip to stop myself from crying and barking back angrily at the guard. Oh, what an experience! Yy Apsha Syawali A., Bandung

    No. : 44
    Vol. :6
    Source :cns
    Date :nov-dec 2006

  87. EXTRAVAGATE
    I’d never missed the Extravaganza parody show on TV. Then I missed out on it when my office in Jakarta stationed me in Ende. There was on TV in the house where I stayed. I really missed watching my favorite show. One day, a friend told me that a local wartel, a small shop where you can make a paid phone call, owns a TV set. The next time Extravaganza was scheduled to be on air, I was in the wartel, busy making local phone calls to several acquaintances. After making the calls, I walked out of the phone booth and sat patiently in front of the TV set hung next to the cashier. Unfortunately, the TV wasn’t tuned to the TV station that aired Extravaganza the cashier was intently watching a gossip show. I decided to wait for a few minutes before asking her to change the program. Five, ten … fifteen minutes passed. “Do you want to make another phone call?” her question really caught me off-guard and made me stutter. “Nnno, I want to watch Extravaganza, “I answered without thinking. “ Oh, that’s why you’ve been sitting there for so long. But sorry, we can’t receive the TV station that airs the show here, ‘she said sympathetically. Embarrassment and disappointment hit me hard as I walked out of the wartel.
    No. : 44
    Vol. :6
    Source :cns
    Date :nov-dec 2006

  88. WONDERFUL SLEEP
    One night, I slept late because I had to do some homework. The next morning, on the bus to school, I felt so sleepy. I couldn’t help dozing off. I slept like a log until a cruel road bump jerked me out of my wonderful sleep. When I woke up, I realized two things: first, a very good-looking guy sitting next to me was checking me out while trying to suppress his smile. Second, I was drooling heavily. These were enough reasons for me to get off the bus, although my school was still a few kilometers away. Pheww!!
    No. : 44
    Vol. :6
    Source :cns
    Date :nov-dec 2006

  89. A MASTERPIECE
    Miss Paddington is in Paris and is Visiting louver, the famous art museum in france. She looked at a Masterpiece and said, “is this a dreadful painting or what?? I can’t believe that a respectable place like this could have such a horrible piece of art in it’s collection. “Pardon, Madame!” One of the staff says, but it’s nor a painting, it’s a mirror.
    No. : 59
    Vol. :8
    Source :cns
    Date :oct-nov 2008

  90. Oooppss!! Mosquitoes

    When I was 16 years old, my parents gave me a car. that car wasn’t brand new, But I really loved it. At that time, I fell in love with the most beautiful girl at my senior high. Her name was Nathalie. Her house wasn’t far from mine. one day, I mustered the courage to ask her to ride with me to school when she passed in front of my house. I felt so lucky when she said ,”I’d love to. “I was so happy.But i forgot something. I had parked my car in the field in front of my house the night before. The field was surrounded by bushes. Guess what? when I opened my car’s front seat. She was as surprised as I was. I could only smile and say “Ooops!! Mosquitoes.” Can you Imagine how embarrassed I was?

  91. TWO ANGRY NEIGHBORS
    Two neighbors have been fighting each other for years. One day Bob buys a great done and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. Next Bob buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. Still, Bill doesn’t react. After about a year of Bob’s cow messing up Bill’s yard, a container parks in front of Bill’s house. Bob runs over and demands to know what’s in the 18-wheeler. “My new pet elephant, “Bill replies solemly.
    No. : 55
    Vol. :7
    Source :cns
    Date :aprl-may 2008

  92. Oooppss!! Mosquitoes

    When I was 16 years old, my parents gave me a car. that car wasn’t brand new, But I really loved it. At that time, I fell in love with the most beautiful girl at my senior high. Her name was Nathalie. Her house wasn’t far from mine. one day, I mustered the courage to ask her to ride with me to school when she passed in front of my house. I felt so lucky when she said ,”I’d love to. “I was so happy.But i forgot something. I had parked my car in the field in front of my house the night before. The field was surrounded by bushes. Guess what? when I opened my car’s front seat. She was as surprised as I was. I could only smile and say “Ooops!! Mosquitoes.” Can you Imagine how embarrassed I was?

    Source :
    C’NS Magazine
    Volume 3 No.21
    Page : 36
    Date : January-February 2004

  93. Foamy Hair

    It was a bad hair day.since i got up in the morning I hadn’t been able to do my hair.I tried everything i knew,but still it didnt do any good at all.Then my sister suggested that I use her hair moisturaizer.So,I went to her room,took a bottle of moisturaizer without consulting my sister and applied it to my hair.Then I hurried to catch the bus to school.Unfortunately,it started to rain and I didn’t have my umbrella with me.So,I had to run from the bus to the school building.Arriving there,I saw my friends looking at me giggling.Feeling that there was something weired going on,I asked my friend what was wrong.She pointed at my hair and burst into laughter,”just check your hair.”So,Ihurriedly took out a small mirror from my bag and checked my hair. Gosh! my hair was full of foam!

    sources:CnS magazine
    vol.4 no.30 juny 2008

  94. 100 RUPIAH

    One night a man was walking homewards when a thief jumped on him all of sudden. man and the thief were caught in a terrific tussle. they rolled about on the ground, and the man put up tremendous fight, until at last the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to ground. the thief then went through the man’s pockets and searched him all over. there was only a 100 rupiah coin he could lay his hands on.
    the thief was so surprised at this that he asked the man why he had bothered to fight so hard just for a 100 rupiah coin.
    “was that all you wanted?” said the man, “i thought you were after the one-million rupiah i’ve got in my shoe!”

    source C’nS magazine
    Vol. 3 No. 21 January-February 2004
    Page 37

    Heni Megawati XI IA

  95. Where Have you Been ??

    A $20 bill meets a $1 bill in the bank. as they were laying there side by side,the $1 bill said to the $20 bill, “Hey, man! where have you been? i haven’t seen you in a long time.”
    The $20 replied, “i”ve been having a ball! i’ve been travelling to distant countries, going to finest restaurants, numerous boutiques, and the mall across town. in fact, just this week i’ve been to Europe, a professional NBA game, the all day retreat spa, the top-notch hair salon and tha new casino!! i have done it ll!! What about you?? Where have you been ?”
    The $1 replied, “Oh, you Know, the usual stuff.

    Church…. church……church….and church!”

    Source C’nS magazine
    Vol. 3 No. 21 January-February 2004

  96. How You Made Money?

    A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.the old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1923. the depth of the great depression. i was down to my last nickel.i invested that nickel in an apple.i spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.
    The next morning,i invested those ten cents in two apples.i spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 for 20 cents. i continued this system for a month, by the end of which i’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
    “And that’s how you built and empire?” the boy asked.
    “Heavens. no!” the man replied.”Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

    Source C’nS magazine
    Vo. 3 No. 21 January-February 2004
    page 36

    Heni megawati XI IA

  97. One windy day
    I’m quite a dandy. I always tidy up myself before going some place, especially to my campus. Who knows a cute girl there might fall for me. So one windy day i went to campus as usual. When i raeched the parking lot in front of my college, the wind had become stronger and started messing up my hair. When i saw a car with drak windows parked, i stopped in front of one of the windows to check my reflection. :oh, my hair” i said to myself . “what a mess” as i was busy combing my hair with my fingers, trhe drak window was rolled down. I came face to face with my lecturer “you look OK now,” he said. “get moving” i was embarrassed..
    Fathul, jakarta

    C’Ns, English teen magazine
    Vol. 6 no.41 july-agust 2006

  98. PROPERTI SYNDROME

    Radhit was known as the naughty boy in our class. he enjoyed playing pranks on us, especially on a particular girl named Ningrum. One day, Ningrum decided to get even with him. She hid his binder inside her bag. She didn’t realize that rightafter that Radhit also hid something belonging to her, the very same bag! “hey,,where’s my bag? Radhit…..it must be you again. Give it bag to me!” Screamed Ningrum at the top of her voice. Radhit only replied calmly,!not until someone returns my binder. I get the feeling that someone is you!” We almost died wit laughter when we heard Ningrum answer tartly,! your binders inside my bag, you fool! Ha,,,ha,,,ha,,,,you hid your own stuff!”

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol:6 No:47 April-May 2007

  99. Please cheat quietly
    This happened when i was in high school. One Monday mornig, the economics teacher gave us a test. As usual, all the books were to be put inside our bags, which were to be put inside the desk drawer.In the middle of the test, i got stuck, i couldn’t think of anything. I when looked to the left, i saw my friend copying answers from a book. So i whispered to him to give me the answer to one of the problems. He wrote down the answer on a small piece of paper, crumpled it, and threw it to me. But it fell too far away from me. I tried my best to reach the paper, but to no avail. Suddenly, CRASH. I fell off my chair. Everybody, including the teacher, was shocked to hear that noise. Then they laughed so loudly till they cried. Then my teacher approached me and whispered to me, “if you want to copy your friend’s answer, don’t make such a noise. “if was the most embarrassing experience i’ve ever had.

    Vol. 7 no.55 april-may 2008
    C’nS, english teen smart

  100. Who Are You, Wise Guy ?

    One afternoon i got an sms from an unknown number. It was in excellent English and i only understood about half of it. It mentioned something like that the english course i attended would be closed for to days due to the horrible floods. It had to be one of my course mates playing a prank on me, i thought. I replied to the message saying. “yeah,,so your english perfect. Anyway,who are you wise guy?” Five minute later i got a reply. It said, “i’m sorry i forgot to tell you. It’s Peter, your class teacher.” After a few minutes i managed to master my courage to text him back. “I’m so sorry, Mr.Peter. I didn’t know it was you and i didn’t mean to be rude. I tought my friend was pulling my leg. I’m truly sorry.” How embarrassing !

    Source : C&S Magazine
    Vol:6 No:47 April-May 2007

  101. TURN OFF PLEASE

    I was in the middle of teaching my class when suddenly I heard a cellphone ringing softly.
    ”whose cellphoneis that?” I asked my students. No one answered. Instead, everyone looked accusingly at each other. The soft ringing continued and I got impatient
    .”C’mon… this is really disturbing. Please turn it off,” I said, raising my voice. To my annoyance, now my student stared back at me with innocent face. The class became quiet while the soft ringing became more audible.
    “Hmm. Funny,” I thought. The melody sounds familiar to me. Then it dawned on me that the ringing came from my handbag on the table. Even though I was sure I had turned my cell off, I still grabbed my bag to check. Oops! It was my phone alright! Sorry, it’s my cell phone,” I told my students. I didn’t know what the color my face was, but I prayed hard the bell would ring real
    soon.

    Source : C & S Magazine.
    Vol.6 no.45 january – february 2007

  102. Greedy Buffet Diner

    Kenny and his girlfriend penny went to a wedding party with buffet dining. Most of the

    guests were people they both knew. While penny was busy chatting around, she couldn’t

    help noticing her boyfriend joining her again and again carrying a plate loaded whith

    food.

    “ken,” she whispered, “stop being so greedy. Aren’t you embarrassed? People must be

    noticing how often you’ve helped yourself to the food. Why, it must have been the

    twelfth time you’ve been to the buffet.”

    “Don’t you worry about a thing, baby,” her crush answered.

    “ I tell everybody I’m getting something for you.”

    Source : C & S Magazine
    Vol. 2 No. 18 January – February 2003

  103. Welcome to America

    It’s the first time for young jose to travel to the United States from Mexico. He made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, but there were no tickets left for sale.

    Taking pity on the poor guy, a friendly ticket salesman found him an empty seat near the American flag.

    Later, Jose wrote home enthusiasticallyabout his experience. “The Americans are sofriendly!” he concluded. “Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang. ‘Jose, can you see?”’

    (The first line of the US’ an them, ‘Oh, say, can you see?’ –Ed.)

    Source : C’nS Magazine
    Vol. 4 No. 26 August – Sept 2004

  104. Erly Shopping

    It was holiday season and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”

    “Doing my shopping early, “ replied the defendant.

    “That’s no offense,“ said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”

    “Before the store opened,” countered the prisioner.

    Source : C’nS Magazine
    Vol. 4 No.26 August – Sept 2004

  105. THE ISLAND

    Everyone on the passenger ship is amazed to see a bearded man on a small island shouting and desperately waving his hands.
    “who is that guy?” a passenger asks the captain.
    “I’ve no idea. every year when we pass, he goes nuts.”

    Source : C’ n S Magazine
    Vol : 6
    No : 44
    nAmE : Nurdiani
    CLass : Xl-Is 3

  106. TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

    A man was invited to a friend’s hame for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her Honey. Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed, since the couple had been married almost 70 years.
    While the wife was in the kitchen, he said,”I think it’s wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names.” His buddy hung his hand. “To tell you truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago.”

    SOURCE : C’nS Magazine
    Vol. 2 No. 9 July – August 2002

  107. WhOSe Face is it ?????

    A woman in the supermaket checkout line paid with a $50 bill.

    To make sure it wasn’t counterfeit,the clerk cerefully inspected it, holding it up to the light and examining the bill’s ink and adges , but she doesn’t seem saisfied with what she saw .

    Finally she looked across to the manager and called out,”Hey,Joe ! Whose face is on a fifty?”

    source: C’n S magazine
    Vol:3
    No:21
    January-February 2004

  108. Singing Is Required

    A young man arrives at his holiday guest-house and meets the landlady.

    “Can you sing?” she snaps.
    “No,” he replies,baffled.
    “Well, you’d better learn quickly.
    There’s is no lock on the bathroom door.”

    Source : C’ n S Magazine
    Vol : 6
    no : 44
    Name : Nurdiani
    class : XI-Is 3

  109. BYE-BEY,TRANSJAKARTA

    The other day my buddies and i decided to take the transjakarta bus to blok M . After buying the tickets, we had to wait at the bus shelter. We waited and waited, but the bus didn’t show up. My friends surely had more patience and discipline than i did. At the head of two neat lines, they stood right before the sliding doors ready to get on the bus as soon a rived. And what did i do? i sat on one of benches in the shelter, absorbed in reading newspaper more passengers come and stood behind my buddies, but the bus was nowhere to be seen. I was so engrossed in the newspaper that i didn’t pay attention to my surroundings. the bus come back and the queuing passengers had begun entering the vehicle. AS my buddies and the other passengers jostled each
    other to get on the bus, my pals kept shouting
    my name. I made a dash for the bus, but it was too late. The bus at closed its door. I could only smile meekly my departing. Still shouting buddies and a horde of sympathetic face looking at me from in side the bus. I had to catch the next bus
    alone to get blok M. What a journey!.

    Source : C’N’S Magazine
    Vol : 6
    No : 46
    Date : March 2007

  110. GETTING OLDER

    Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, “Sometimes Icatch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand,while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”
    The second lady chimed in with, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether Iwas on may way up or on my way down.” The third one responded, ” Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have that problem. Knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said,” That must be the door, I’ll get it!”

    SOURCE : C ‘n S Magazine
    Vol.2 No. 9 July – August 2002

  111. BYE-BEY,Transjakarta

    The other day my buddies and i decided to take the Transjakarta bus to Blok M . After buying the tickets, we had to wait at the bus shelter. We waited and waited, but the bus didn’t show up. My friends surely had more patience and discipline than i did. At the head of two neat lines, they stood right before the sliding doors ready to get on the bus as soon a rived. And what did i do? i sat on one of benches in the shelter, absorbed in reading newspaper more passengers come and stood behind my buddies, but the bus was nowhere to be seen. I was so engrossed in the newspaper that i didn’t pay attention to my surroundings. the bus come back and the queuing passengers had begun entering the vehicle. AS my buddies and the other passengers jostled each
    other to get on the bus, my pals kept shouting
    my name. I made a dash for the bus, but it was too late. The bus at closed its door. I could only smile meekly my departing. Still shouting buddies and a horde of sympathetic face looking at me from in side the bus. I had to catch the next bus
    alone to get Blok M. What a journey!.

    Source : C’N’S Magazine
    Vol : 6
    No : 46
    Date : march 2007

  112. SCHOOL DAZE

    it was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her students. the florist’s son handed her a gift. she shook it, held it overhead, and said, ” I bet I know what it is. flowers.”
    “that’s right,” the boy said “but how did you know?”
    “oh, just a wild guess,” she said.
    yhe next pupil was the candy shop owner’s daughter. the teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess wha it is. a box of sweets.”
    “that’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.
    “oh, just lucky guess,” said the teacher.
    the next gift was from the son of the liqour store owner. the teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. she touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and licked it.
    “is it wine?” she asked.
    “no,” the boy replied, with some excitement.
    the teacher took one more taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”
    with great happiness, the boy replied, “it’s a puppy!”

    source : C n’ S magazine
    Vol : 8
    No : 62
    date : february – march 2009

  113. No Paperwork

    The personnel manager was interviewing a guy in the threadbare suit. “so,” he said ,”what position did you have in mind?”
    “anything that ain’t got nothing to do with reading or writing.”
    “Why?You don’t like paperwork?”
    “No,it’s cause I can’t do either.”
    “Now how did that happen?”
    “Well,you see, I only went to school once.”
    “So?”
    “It was for only one day, and that was at night, and the lights went out and the teacher didn’t come.”

    source : Cn’S magazine
    Vol : 2
    No. :10
    date : august-september 2002

  114. Name : Hidayatullah Hamdani
    Class : XI-IA

    ~Safe to swim~

    While fishing off the florida coast, a tourist cap sized his boat. He could swim, but his fear with alligators made him stay on his boat. Spotting a beach watcher standing on the shore, the tourist shouted “are there any gators around here??”
    “no” the man hollered back, “they haven’t been around for years!!”. Felling safe, the tourist started swimming lei surely, toward the shore. About half way there he asked the beach watcher, “how did you get rid of the gators??”
    “we didn’t do anything, “the beach watcher said, “the sharks got them”

    Source : C’ns magazine
    Vol : 4
    No : 26, Agust-sept 2004

  115. Name : Oky
    Class : XI-IA

    …..Cater pillar on the menu…..

    Johny : Daddy, are cater pillars good to eat??
    Father : didn’t I tell you never to mention such things during meals !!
    Mother : why did you say that, junior? Why did you ask the question??
    Johny : it’s because I saw one on dad y’s lettuce, but I now it’s gone

    Source : C’ns magazine
    Vol : 4
    No : 26, Agust-sept 2004

  116. Name : Oky
    Class : XI-IA

    …..Cater pillar on the menu…..

    Johny : Daddy, are cater pillars good to eat??
    Father : didn’t I tell you never to mention such things during meals !!
    Mother : why did you say that, junior? Why did you ask the question??
    Johny : it’s because I saw one on dad y’s lettuce, but I now it’s gone

    Source : C’ns magazine
    Vol : 4
    No : 26, Agust-sept 2004

  117. SMART CLERK
    A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and ask,”w-w-w-where’s the m-m man’s dep-p-partment ?”the clerk behind the counter just a look at him and says nothing.The man repeats him self,”w-w-where’s the m-m man’s dep-p-partment?”again,the clerk doesn’t answer him.
    The guy ask several more times,”w-w-w where the m-m-m mans dep-p-partment?”The clerk just keeps ignoring him.
    Finally,in a fury,the guys storm off the next customer in line ask the clerk,why wouldn’t you answer that guy’s question?”
    The clerk answer,”d-d-d-d do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-beat up.

    Source :C n’ s Magazine
    vol:5
    no:13
    page:23
    date:3 january-febuary 2006

  118. WRONG CAR
    my causins and i went to a shopping mall in their car. i was tired after school and was feeling a bit sick. as we were coming out of the shopping mall,i renembered that a needed the correction pen. coming out of the mall,i went directlyto may cousins car and grabbed the door handle.to my surprise, it didn’t open.as i tired again,the window suddenly slid down and a face stared at me from inside the car. it wasn’t any of my cousins’ faces.then i heard voice shouting not far away. my cousins’ voice! oh,my god! my face turned red. i had tried to get into the wrong car. i apologized and hurried to my cousins’ car. they all teassed me. i was so mortified…

    source :C n’ s Magazine
    vol:4 no.30 February-March 2005

  119. The wrong guy at the wrong place

    My sister, her friend, my boyfriend and I were window-shopping on a typical hot and crowded Saturday afternoon in kota kembang market, Bandung. The street was packed with people on both sides. Even cars were having a hard time passing through. Knowing that it would be hard for the four of us to walk side-by-side, we walked in pairs. I was leading the group alongside my boyfriend with my sister and her friend tagging along behind us. Suddenly, my sister nudged me, saying that there were cute necklaces being sold at a necklaces vendor. I turned around and said, “yeah, but maybe next time.” I turned back and held my boyfriend by his arm…only to find thet it wasn’t him. It was a man with a build and shirt similar to my boyfriend. He stated at me, probably wondering why this strange girl was holding his arm. I stopped and stammered, “I’m sorry,” I’m so sorry,” and quickly walked away as my sister, her friend, and my boyfriend were giggling at me. What an embarrassing moment.

    Aninla, bandung

    Hal: 35
    Vol: 6 no.45 januari-february 2007
    C’Ns magazine

  120. Could you please sit down

    Thank god I got a seat, I said to my self. I felt sorry for those who were standing : squeezed and packed like sardine inside this bus. To top it off, the weather was very hot and the road was jammed. The bus inched forward. At last it arrived at a junction where some of the passenger off .Phew!
    Now at least some of the passenger can rest their tired feet, I thought. Then I heard a voice, ”Ma’am, please go sit over there!”. I saw the bus drivers conductor talk to an elderly woman .The woman kept standing and said that her destination would be just around the corner. The man went on saying,” There’s an empty seat over there.”This time the woman just shook her head.” Ma’am please go sit over there!” he urged in a impatient tone. I noticed that the woman’s face change to red as she said in a loud and stern voice, “ look here,young man…….how many times have I told you I don’t want to sit.It’s good thing you are not my son in-law!’ Hearing this, many of passenger snorted as they tried to keep themselves from laughing at the stubborn man.

    (source:CNS magazine – vol 4. no 30. febuary-maret 2005 )

  121. TIGHT FIT

    Little billy asked Miss Laura, his kindergarten teacher, to help put his boots on. It was pretty hard for her to do it. With her pulling and pushing, the boots still didn’t want to move. When she finally could make it, little billy said, “But Miss, they are on the wrong feet.” Laura looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn’t any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She manage to keep her cool as they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet.
    Billy than announced, “these aren’t my boots.” Laura in haled, bit her lips, and said, “ why didn’t you say so?” Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill fitting boots off.
    He then said, “they’re my brother’s boots. My mom made me wear them.” Laura didn’t know if she should laugh or cry. She then mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots onto his feet again.
    When laura finally manage to put on Billy’s boots, she said, “Now, where are your mittens?”
    Billy said. “ I stuffed them in the toes of my boots…”

    Title of magazine : C’nS Magazine
    Vol : 7 No. 54 February-March 2008
    Page : 19

  122. EINSTEIN CHAUFFEUR
    When Albert Einstein is making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually finds himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as he is being driven to yet another boring dinner, Einstein mentions to his chauffeur ( a man who somewhat resembles Einstein in looks and manner) that he is tired of speech making.

    “ I have an idea boss,” his chauffeur says. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. i’ll bet could give it for you.”

    Einstein laughs loudly and says, “ Why not? Let’s do it!”
    When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein puts on the chauffeur’s cap and jacket and sits in the back of the room. The chauffeur gives a beautiful performance of Einstein’s speech and even a few questions expertly.

    Then a supremely self-important professor asks an extremely complicated question about antimatter formation, stop to talk about something else here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he is nobody’s fool.

    Without a moment’s hesitation, the chauffeur fixes the professor with steely stare and says. “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”

    SOURCE :CN’S magazine vol 7 no 49 july-august 2007 page 26

    NAME : LIESYE NOVITA

    CLASS : XI SOCIAL 3

  123. FEROCIOUS LION
    bert was telling his friend justin about his safari trip in africa…i came face to face with a ferocious lion. he was snarling, showing me his long sharp teeth. he was literally salivating at seeing me. man! i’d never been so scared before.” “wow”! i’m glad i wasn’t in your shoes ! so what happened next? did you shoot him?””no, i didn’t have my gun wiht me.”
    “you didn’t ? oh mN! that was really dumb.”
    “yeah, it was so stupid of me. anyway , there i stoo alone, without a gun. the lion crept closer and closer and closer…
    and i….”bert stpped an heaved a deep sigh. impatiently, justin cried, “come on, man! what did you do?”
    his pal shrugged his shoulders and said, “what could i do? i moved on to the next cage.”

    magazine : c’ns cool and smart
    vol : 4
    number : 24
    date : january 2009

  124. Baseball in heaven

    Moe and same, who both are ninety years old, have been friend all their lives. Sam seems to be dying, so moe comes to visit him.

    “sam ,”say moe,”you know how we have both loved baseball all our live. Sam, you have to do me one favor. When you go, some how you’ve get to tell me if there’s baseball in heaven, sam looks up at moe from his deathbet and say, moe, you’ve been my friend for many years. I’ll do this favor for you. And with that, sam passes on.

    It is midnight a couple of night later. moe is sound a sleep whent a distant voice calls out to him,”moe………,moe……….”

    Who is it? Says moe, sitting up suddenly. Who is it?

    Moe it’s sam. Come on. You’re not sam. Sam died.

    I’m telling you, insist the voice it’s me, sam!

    Sam?is thatyou?where are you? I’m in heaven, says sam, and I’ve got to tell you, I’ve got some got news and some bad news.

    Tell me the good first, say moe.
    The good news is, says sam that there baseball in heaven.
    Really? Say moe that’s wonderful what’s the bad news?
    You’re pitching Tuesday!”

    CN”S magazine
    Vol : 8
    No.46
    oct-nov 2008

  125. BRIDGE EPISODE

    “great” this could be a shorcut,” i said to my self when i saw a new pedestarian bridge over an artery road.this way i don’t need to take the u-turn 2 km further away. just like several other pedestrian bridges, this one also had a ramp section running along the steps for motor riders. i rode my motorbike up smoothly until i arrived at the top of the bridge. looking down,m irealized that this bridge was pretty high. i got cold feet. i rally doubted if i could ride down on the other side as calmly as i rode up. so i decided to step off my motorbike and hold on to it while going down the bridge. it surely was safer but my feet wouldn’t stop trembling and i perspired rofusely. i didn’t know why, but halfway down, my pants started to drop, showing my underpants, to make matters worse, a bunch of girls were walking behind me, i couldn’t do any thing because my hands were wee holding on to the motorbike. one of the girl over came her shock and helped me hold the bike while i quickly pulled up my pants. at that moment, i just wanted the earth to swallw me alive

    magazine : cns cool and smart
    vol : 6
    number : 42
    date : august – september 2006

  126. ~Slobber on the Train~

    One day, I was on the train on my way home from my grandmother’s place. I had spent the day there and I was very tired . I tired to stay awake, but didn’t succeed. After some time, my eyelids started to feel very heavy. Before I knew it, I was slobbering. startled, I awoke to find two beautiful girl who were sitting in front of me giggling and watching me. I was mortified!

    SOURCE:CN’S magazine july-august 2007 page28
    VOL: 3
    NO :18
    NAMA: andreas rio feirawan
    CLASS: XI IS 3

  127. ~Slobber on the Train~

    One day, I was on the train on my way home from my grandmother’s place. I had spent the day there and I was very tired . I tired to stay awake, but didn’t succeed. After some time, my eyelids started to feel very heavy. Before I knew it, I was slobbering. startled, I awoke to find two beautiful girl who were sitting in front of me giggling and watching me. I was mortified!

    SOURCE:CN’S magazine july-august 2007 page28
    VOL: 3
    NO :18
    NAMA: andreas rio feirawan
    CLASS: XI IS 3

  128. THE POPE ON TOUR

    The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn’t have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

    The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.

  129. THE POPE ON TOUR

    The Pope has just finished a tour of Napa Valley and is taking a limousine to San Francisco. Having never driven a limo, the Pope asks the chauffeur if he might drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur doesn’t have much choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the Pope takes the wheel.

    The Pope proceeds down Silverado, and starts accelerating to see what the limo can do. He gets to about 90 mph, and suddenly he sees the red and blue lights of a CHP cruiser in his mirror. He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window.

    magazine : cns cool and smart
    vol : 7
    number : 34
    date : august – september 2006

  130. hi, I’m membran.you know me, say hello from agus yoo.talking-talking, you know david becham? daa………………………………………………………………….

  131. VALUABLE PAINTINGS

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
    “I have good news and bad news,”the owner replied.
    “the good news is that a gentleman was curious about your work of art and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.When I told him it would,he bought all 15 of your paintings.”
    “That’s wonderfull,”the artist exlclaimed.
    “What’s the bad news?”
    “The guy was your doctor.”

  132. Run
    I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.
    However, I must share the following:
    After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type “R,” “U,” “N” and press return to see the program execute.
    A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, “I did what you said and it didn’t work.” Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype “R,” “U,” “N” and press return. A few seconds later, the lady’s hand goes up again. “It still doesn’t work,” she said.
    So… I went back to see what the problem was … only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

    Magazine : CnS
    Vol : 3
    Hal : 28
    Edisi : Mei-Juni 2002
    Nama : Dwi Hayati
    Kelas : XI.IPS.3

  133. The Smart Blonde

    A blonde woman boards an airplane. She is extremely exhausted and just wants to take a nap. She finally finds her seat and sits down next to a very curious young man.
    He wants to test the whole dub blonde thing and possibly make some money out of it. “Hey, wanna play a game?” he asks her. “No thank you, i just want to take a nap.” “Please, its really easy, all you have to do is answer the questions that i ask you. If you don’t know the answer, then you give me five dollars, and if I don’t know the answer to your question, then Ill give you five dollars.”
    “I really don’t want to do this. I just want to take a nap.”
    “Oh but PLEASE pretty please. Okay, how about if I don’t know the answer to your question, I’ll give you five hundred dollars.” The blonde woman became interested and decided to play the game.
    “Okay. How many moons does jupiter have?” the young man asked. The woman reached into her purse and took out a five dollar bill. “What goes up the mountain with three legs and comes back down with four?”.
    The young man, determined not to lose, gets out his laptop and searches all over the internet for an answered. Flustered and confused, the young man hand the blonde five hundred dollars.
    After a few hours, the young man was itching to know the answer to the question.”What was the answer to the riddle?” the blonde woman reached into her purse and handed the young man a five dollar bill.

    Magazine : CnS
    Vol : 3
    Hal : 12
    Edisi : Mei-Juni 2002

    Nama : Kartina Sari
    Kelas : XI.IPS.3

  134. Talking Clock

    Leading the way into the den, a collage student proudly shows off his new apartmen to friends.
    “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asks.
    “Thath is a talking clock,” the collage student replied.
    “How does it work?”the friends asks.
    “watch,”the guy says,then proceeds to give the gong an ear shattering blow with the hammer,suddenly from the other side of the wall comes a scream,”KNOCK IT OFF,
    YOU IDIOT!
    It’s two AM in the morning!”

  135. Talking Clock

    Leading the way into the den, a collage student proudly shows off his new apartmen to friends.
    “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asks.
    “Thath is a talking clock,” the collage student replied.
    “How does it work?”the friends asks.
    “watch,”the guy says,then proceeds to give the gong an ear shattering blow with the hammer,suddenly from the other side of the wall comes a scream,”KNOCK IT OFF,
    YOU IDIOT!
    It’s two AM in the morning!”

    Magazine : CNS
    Vol : 6
    Hal : 35
    Edisi : August-september 2006

    Nama : Abdul karim muhith
    Kls : XI IS 2

  136. “DIFERENT IMPRESSIONS”

    A wealthy man had asked Pablo Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife.
    Starled by the nonrepsentational image on the final canvas,the woman’s husband complained, “It isn’t how she really looks.”
    When asked by Picasso how she really looked, the man took a photograph out of his wallet.
    Picasso observed the photograph,returned it,and said, “Small, isn’t she?

    Source : Magazine CNS
    Vol : 5
    No : 39
    Edisi : April-May 2006

  137. Toring South America

    a tourist is traveling through cne of the thickest jungles in south america, when he comes across an acient Mayan temple and is amazed by it. He asks the guide, “How old is this temple?”
    “This temple is exactly 1503 years old,” replied the guide. “how can be so sure?”
    inquired the tourist.
    “Eazy,” replied the guide,”an archeologist came here and told me this temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago.”

    Sourch: Magazine C’n’S
    Vol 4 no. 30
    February-March 2005

  138. Grandfather or porridge

    David lived with his grandfather in a small village. He was not clever but he was honest and obedient as well. He always obeyed whatever his grandfather told him. One Sunday morning he went to the farm and took some pails of hays. He put them on the carriage.
    When he passed Mr. pedro house for help Mr. and Mrs. Pedro were havingf breakfast.

    “excuse me, sir. Coulift my carriage/ I got a little acciodent,”david said.
    Mr. pedro glanced the carriage throught the door and said, “OK, no problem. But have a seat and have some porridge. We can fix it leter.
    “But my grandfather wiil be angry,”he saud
    “don’t worry about your grandfather,”Mr.pedro said
    “Do you think so madam?” David said doubtfully.
    “Of course, young man,”Mrs. Pedro said and took him a bowl of porridge.
    David ate it up.
    After having a nice breakfast, mr. pedro stood up and took some tool to lift the carriage.
    “Well david, we can fix the carriage now. Don’t worry about your grandfather.
    “Is he at home now?”Mr. pedro asked.
    “No he is under yhe carriage!” David answered.
    Mr.pedro was shocked to see an old man lying under the hays.

    source:c’ns cool n smart

    vol:6

    number;45

    date:august-september 2007

  139. ANGRY LETTER

    Harry was very angry with his girlfriend sally.he didn’t see her for a couple of days. one morning he asked his bud jim for a sheet of paper.
    “what d’ ya want it for?”jim wanted to know.
    “i’m gonna write sally the angriest letter she’s ever seen. i’m gonna tell her exactly what a no-good b___she is.”
    “aw, come on, you must be kiddin’.you knom you can’t even write.”
    “that’s alright, sally can’t read.”

    from : magazine coocn’smart
    volume 2 no 10
    date : 10 august-sept 2002
    page : 17

  140. WORD WISE 2

    Jack the cabdriver who went to school only for a short time liked to make his passengers think that he was a college grad. One day a verry talktive passenger was telling him about her son.
    “I don’t know what to do with John, ” she said. “Ever since that big bough fell on his head, he’s suffered from a total loss of memory, what do you call it …” Jack nodded in sympaty:”You mean magnesia?”

    Source:
    C’NS Magazine
    Vol : 2
    Num : 10
    Date : 10 August _ Sept 2002
    Page 17

  141. ASPIRING WRITER

    Aspiring writer Sam contacted an agent to get his story published. after a few weeks went by, the agent called him. “I’ve got some bad news and some good news,” the agent said.
    “OK,” said Sam, “Give me the good news first.”
    “Longman just loves your story,absolutely ate it up.”
    “That’s fantastic! I knew I did a good job. now what’s the bad news?”
    “Longman is my dog.

    From : magazine Cooc’n smart
    volume 2 no.10
    Date : 10 august – sept 2002
    Page : 17

  142. DELIGHTFUL STORY

    At some other time Sam the aspiring writer had sent his story, which he thought was superb,to a number of publishers. unfortunately,none of them shared his opinion. knowing that a lot of famous writers had started out the same way.Sam refused to quit.He thought he just needed to change his tactics.So he singled out one particular publisher who had rejected him and sent hum another copy of the same story. after he had sent the publisher the story three times, Sam finally got a call from the man to come and see him. This was what same had been waiting for.
    “ah, Mr. Sam Jones,” said the publisher. “Did you really write this yourself?”
    “Oh, yes sir , none other than me.”
    “Well, you should be encouraged.”
    “Oh, yes sir.” Sam smiled delightedly.
    “You should go to Hollywood.”
    “You really think so, sir?” Sam was beginning to glow with pleasure.
    “You should climb the highest mountain,” the publisher continued.
    “Oh, thank you, sir. I didn’t know…”
    “And drop off!!”

    from: C’NS Magazine
    volume: 2
    no:10
    date: 10 august – sept 2002
    page: 17

  143. My sweet jenny

    I had a beautiful poodle named jenny. Jenny had fluffy white hair. I loved her so much. I always walked her in my neighborhood park. When I came from school one afternoon, I saw her running after a butterfly in one of my neighbors’ garden. I opened my neighbor’s fence, walked in to the garden and called her name. the dog ran to me. I picked her up and carried her out of the garden. suddenly a woman shouted from inside the house. “dog kidnapper!” luckily I had enough sense not to run away. Instead, I stood still and tired to explain the situation to her. People started to crowd round us. My explanation seemed to fall on deaf ears. The woman tried to snatch jenny away from me. During the commotion, I heard my mom shoting my name from among the crowd. ” enggelina…. is that you?” my mom finally managed to push herself to the front and face my uypset neighbor, and said ,”I’m sorry ma’am. My daughter made a mistake. Please forgive her.” And then she turned to the crown, explaining,”my daughter kept a poodle just like this one at home.” And finnaly she looked at me and dternly said ,”jenny’s at home snoring, you girl!” I turned red with embarrassment as my mom led me out of the crown.

    Source
    Magazine : C’ns
    Vol : 6
    Number : 46
    Date : march 2007

  144. A DOLLAR PER POINT

    one day, a professor is giving his students a big test. he hands out the test papers and goes back to his desk and waits.
    when tilme is up, all the students hand the tests back in, the professor notices that one of the students has attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying , “a dollar per point.”
    at the next class the professor hands the graded tests back out. this student gets back hils test, his test grade, and $64 change.

    magazine : cns cool and smart
    vol : 6
    number : 42
    date : august – september 2006

  145. Never Count The Last One

    A merchant,along with his little daughter,entered a bank and then presented a check for $50 to the cashier.
    “And how would you like that?”asked the cashier.
    “I’d like ten five-dollar bills,please.”
    The cashier gave him the five-dollar bills,and he began to count them.”One,two,three,four,five,six,eight,nine….”Then he stuffed them in his pocket and went away.His daughter immediately exclaimed:”But you only counted nine bills!”
    “Psst.Never count the last one.there might be another one underneath,”whispered the merchant.

    Source
    Magazine:Contact
    Volume : 7
    Number :40
    Date :November-Desember 1999

  146. The Pessimist

    Jim is really fond of duck hunting. During a holiday he went to a market for a new dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could walk on water to retrieve a duck.

    Surprised by his finding, he decided to tell his friend, a pessimist who always refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him, the hunter hought. Jim invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

    As they waited by he shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the duck, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long: each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

    The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home Jim asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”
    “I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “He can’t swim.”

    Source : C’nS magazine

    VOL 4 NO.26 AUGUST – Sept 2004

  147. SORRY,BOSS!!
    one day,i dropped by at my friends house.after we talk for about an hour,she went out to buy as lunch.before she left,i borrowed her nokia cell phone and read her funny smses.i had never use a nokia cell phone before and my friend used english as the language on the cell,a language that i wasn’t too good at.i got a bit confused.when she came back,there were about 20 incoming SMSes.surprised,she read all of them.most of them were short message stating how funny the joke was.we were confused.she ask me if i had sent any SMSes to her friends.i shrugged and i really didn’t know what i had done with her cell phone.a new short text message came in and my friend was completely shocked.it was from her boss.he wrote;”bot funny young lady,i’m your boss,remember?” she contacted him immediately,he was very upset.he said it was very impolite to send him suck sms.she ask him what kind of sms had been sent from her cell phone.he read it to her;”one day,a lion,a tiger and a fox are having a meeting ib a jungle.but the meeting has been postponed because they have been waiting for the monkey who is reading this sms.”my friends face turn red.i was so ashamed.she made me apologize to her boss that very moment on the cellphone.the following week,when my friend and i attended a book fair,we meet her boss.she introduce me to him.the boss then looked me and said,”so,this is queen of the jungle who sent me the sms.how was the meeting?”my frieng couldn’t help laughing.me?i felt like disappearing.

  148. SORRY,BOSS!!
    one day,i dropped by at my friends house.after we talk for about an hour,she went out to buy as lunch.before she left,i borrowed her nokia cell phone and read her funny smses.i had never use a nokia cell phone before and my friend used english as the language on the cell,a language that i wasn’t too good at.i got a bit confused.when she came back,there were about 20 incoming SMSes.surprised,she read all of them.most of them were short message stating how funny the joke was.we were confused.she ask me if i had sent any SMSes to her friends.i shrugged and i really didn’t know what i had done with her cell phone.a new short text message came in and my friend was completely shocked.it was from her boss.he wrote;”bot funny young lady,i’m your boss,remember?” she contacted him immediately,he was very upset.he said it was very impolite to send him suck sms.she ask him what kind of sms had been sent from her cell phone.he read it to her;”one day,a lion,a tiger and a fox are having a meeting ib a jungle.but the meeting has been postponed because they have been waiting for the monkey who is reading this sms.”my friends face turn red.i was so ashamed.she made me apologize to her boss that very moment on the cellphone.the following week,when my friend and i attended a book fair,we meet her boss.she introduce me to him.the boss then looked me and said,”so,this is queen of the jungle who sent me the sms.how was the meeting?”my frieng couldn’t help laughing.me?i felt like disappearing.

    from;c’ns megazine vol;5 no;39 april-may 2006

  149. Shown-up in the supermarket

    Dylan is in a queue at te supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and is giving him a bid “hello”.
    He is rather taken aback that suck a looker would be waving to him, and although her face is vaguely familiar, Dylan cant place where he mightfrom, so he says ,”sorry,do you know me?”
    She replies,”I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children”
    Dylans mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, “Blimey!” he says, “Did we meet on franks stag do in Newport? Dylan continued, “When I got out of the police station and got back to the hotel room you had gone.’
    No,”she replies,’I am your sons English teacher”
    Names have been changedto protect our friend.

    sourch : magazine C n S cool and smart

    volume :46

    no:28 august-sept 2006

  150. Stop WAteRIng, PLEASe

    little five year old johnny was in the bath tub, and his mam was washing his hair. se said him,” wow your hair is growingso fast ! tou need a haircut again.”
    little johnny replid, “maybe you should stop watering it so much.”

    Sourc : C’nS megazine
    vol : 4
    no : 27 october-novenber 2004

  151. Mommy Ate it

    For week, a six year old boy kept telling his first grade teacher abaut a baby brother or sister that was expected in his house.
    one day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unbornchild. the six year old was obviosly impressed, but made no comment. furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about coming event.
    the teacher finaly sat the boy on her lap and said, “tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home ? ” tommy burst into tears and confessed,”I think mommy ate it!”.

    Source : C’nS megazine
    vol : 4
    no : 27 october-novenber 2004

  152. Pull, not push

    A year ago, I visited my aunt in Jakarta. She showed me around and took me shopping at some malls. I was really awestruck by the glamorous malls. While window-shopping with her, nature called. My aunt showed me the rest room. She didn’t come in; she waited outside. I entered one of the cubicles. When I’d finished, I tried to open the cubicles door. I pushed, pushed and pushed again. Nothing happened. I started to get panicky. I tried to push again. Zero. I cried out my auntie’s name several times.I heard her coming, but she sounded panicky, too. I said I couldn’t open the door. Abruptly, in one fling, the door was wide open. I heard people burst into laughter. Not knowing what had happened, I stepped out of the cubicle. Later I found out that I was supposed to pull, not push the door. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
    Nur, Banjarmasin

    Source : C;nS magazine
    Vol :4
    No : 30 april-may 2006

  153. Pull, not push

    A year ago, I visited my aunt in Jakarta. She showed me around and took me shopping at some malls. I was really awestruck by the glamorous malls. While window-shopping with her, nature called. My aunt showed me the rest room. She didn’t come in; she waited outside. I entered one of the cubicles. When I’d finished, I tried to open the cubicles door. I pushed, pushed and pushed again. Nothing happened. I started to get panicky. I tried to push again. Zero. I cried out my auntie’s name several times.I heard her coming, but she sounded panicky, too. I said I couldn’t open the door. Abruptly, in one fling, the door was wide open. I heard people burst into laughter. Not knowing what had happened, I stepped out of the cubicle. Later I found out that I was supposed to pull, not push the door. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
    Nur, Banjarmasin

    Source : C;nS magazine
    Vol :4
    No : 30 april-may 2006

  154. Investigating a Terrible Accident

    In a terrible bus accident there were no survivors except a monkey. Since there were no witneses, the police could not determine the cause of the accident. At last, they turned to the monkey. Because the monkey seemed able to respond with gestures, the police officer decided to interrogate it.
    “What were the people doing on the bus?” The monkey shakes his had in a disapproving manner and starts dancing around, meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
    “OK, but what else were they doing?” The monkey takes his hand to his mouth as if holding a bottle. “Oh! They were drinking, huh?! OK, were they doing anyting else?” The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, mimicking singing.
    The chief loses his patience, “If they were having such a great time, who was driving the bus then?” The monkey cheerfully swings his arms around as if operating a steering wheel.

    Source : C n S
    Volume 4 No. 55 Maret 2008

  155. MOUNTAIN TOUR GUIDE

    Funny Stories
    From : CnS magazine
    Years : 2005 march
    Vol : 4 No. 30

    Swiss mountain guide who always to the same trails answering cant get question ofer and ofer. One day on English tourist giving guide exspecialy hard time sily question. And travels says
    “ How the these rock get the here!
    “ Sirr “ say that guide.
    I were borght down by glacier! The peaeers up mountain and travels says I don’t see any gleicer!
    Sirr. Say that guide I gues it has gone back fon more rocks!

  156. FROM:INTERNET http://WWW.GOOGLE.COM
    YEARS:2008
    10-03-08
    Medical Problem
    An old woman came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. “I do that all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they’re soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I’ve been here, I did it no less than twenty times. What can I do?”

    “Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week.”

    Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson’s office. “Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I’m doing it just as much, but now it smells terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?”

    “Calm down, Mrs. Harris,” said the doctor soothingly. “Now that we’ve fixed your sinuses, we’ll work on your hearing!!!”

  157. Beautiful me

    I like teasing my sister. One day, when she was busy cramming for exams, I wore my mom’s earings and put on her lipstick and started to tease my sister . I kept on teasing her until my mom yelled at me,” catur, leave your sister alone! Tou’d better go to the gas station to fill to tank of your dad’s motorcycle.

    So off I went to tha gas station, the people there were friendlier than they usally are. They all smiled at me. Some of them even laughed together.

    On my way home, I saw my sister. So asked me,” hey, sis, is there something wrong with me? It seems that everyone is so friendly and today. They all smiled and laghed at the gas station.”

    My sister, suddenly, burst out laughing and said,” of course they were. You’re still wearing mom’s lipstick and earrings.”
    “What?Gosh!” I rode home in a hury.
    Source : C;nS magazine
    Vol :4
    No : 30 april-may 2006

  158. Winning a nobel prize

    Funny Story
    From: C.N.S Magazine
    Vol: 4 No. 30
    Years: 2005 February – March

    a man is driving down a country road when he spot a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. he pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. the man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Um…excuse me mister, but what are you doing?” The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a nobel prize.” “How?” asks the man , puzzled. “Well, I heard they give a nobel prize… to people who are out standing in their field.”

  159. SOMETHING REALLY CHEAP

    After being away on business for a week before christmas, tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “how about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.
    “that’s a bit too much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
    “That’s still quite a bit,” Tom mumbled.
    growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
    Tom grew agitated,”what i mean,” he said,” is i’d like to see something real cheap.
    so the clerk handed him a mirror.

    Source: C’n’s Magazine Volume 3 no 21 2004

  160. Blessing in disguise

    my driver’s license expired over a year ago. i knew i would be fined if i decided to renew it. that’s why I felt nervous when I tired to do just that at regional police administration department. When a police officer sitting before a computer ordered me to sit on a stool opposite him, I did so gingerly. I didn’t know that the administration system was already computerized. Unaware that the computer’s camera had already to taken my picture, i continued to gaze before me. then the officer said to me “thumb please.” Thinking that i needed to be photographed in that awkward pose, i held up my right thumb. Suddenly the room thundered with laughter. “no, i mean press your right thumb on this glass plate here. We need to take your thumb print,”explained the officer. Feeling stupid and embrrassed, i put my thumb lightly against a small glass plate next to the computer. Then the officer told me that the plate was a kind of electronic scanner that would send an image of my thumb print to the computer. The best thing about all this was: i change the dull atmosphere in the room into one full cheer. and……. because of this the police officer filled to notice that my driver’s license was long overdue. talking about sheer luck!

    Source: C’nS magazine volume 4 no. 30 2005

  161. THE ROAD PAINTER

    A man was given the job of panting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
    on his first day he painted six miles,the next day three miles,the following day less that a miles .
    then the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day.
    he replied,” i jusy can’t do any better.ecah day i keep getting farther away from the paint can

    source :magazine C’n s
    years 2006,march
    vol 5,no.39

  162. WRONG CAR

    my cousin and i went to shopping mall in their car. i was tired after school and was feeling a bit stick. as we were coming out of the shopping mall, i remembered that i needed a new correction pen. i told my cousins to wait for me in the car, and i went back to buy the correction pen. coming out of the mall. i went directly to my cousin’s car and grabbed the door handle. to my surprise, it didn’t open. as i tried again, the window suddenly slid down and a face stared at me from inside the car. it wasn’t any of my cousin’s faces. then i heard voices shouting not far away. my cousins’ voices! oh, my god! my face turned red. i had tried to get into the wrong car. i apologize and hurried to my cousins’ car. they all teased me. i was so mortified…

    magazine : C’nS
    volume : 4
    no. 30
    february-march 2005

  163. Shop Lifter
    An-80-year-old woman was arrestedfor shop lifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her,”What did steal!?” She raplied,”A can of peaches”. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she raplied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. When she raplied six, the juge then said,”I will give you six days in jail.” Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, somebody spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said,”What is it?”. ” your honor,i’m her husband.
    She also stole a can of peas.”

  164. Shop Lifter
    An-80-year-old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge, he asked her,”What did steal!?” She raplied,”A can of peaches”. The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she raplied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. When she raplied six, the juge then said,”I will give you six days in jail.” Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, somebody spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. The judge said,”What is it?”. ” your honor,i’m her husband.
    She also stole a can of peas.”

    Source : C’N S Magazine
    Volume 7 No 12 January-February 2007

  165. Dad won’t like it
    Afarm boy accidentally overtuns his wagonload of wheat on the road.The farmer living nearby comes to investigate.”hey,anton,”he call out,”forget your troubles for a while.come and have dinnr with us.then i”ll help you with wagon.”
    “that’s very nice of you,”anton answer,”but i don’t think dad would like me to.””aw, come on ,son!”the farmer insist.”well , oke “the boy finally agress,”but dad won’t like it.”
    after a hearty dinner,anton thanks the host.” i fell a lot better now,but i know dad’s going to to be real upset,””don’t be silly!’say the neighbor.”by the way , where is he?”
    “under the wagon,”replies anton.

  166. The Dog that takes you into the Bar

    Two men are walking their dogs (a doberman and a chihuahua) when they say to each other “I’m thirsty.” They see a nearby bar and walk up to it.

    Unfortunately, there was a sign on the door that said NO DOGS. They thought for awhile to try to figure out what they should do with no luck. Suddenly, the man with the doberman said, “I have an idea! Do what I do.”

    The man put on his sunglasses, walked up to the door and tried to get in but a big muscular man stopped him. “Where do you think you’re going?” asked the big man. “This is my seeing-eye dog.” said the man hoping for good feedback. “Alrighty mister, go right in.” said the big man. The doberman man walked in.

    The second man slipped his sunglasses on and did the same as the first man. “Where are you going?” asked the big man. “I’m going into the bar, this is my seeing-eye dog.” he said. “A chihuahua?” asked the big man with suspicion. The other man, playing his part yelled, “They gave me a chihuahua!?”

    Source : C’NS MEGAZINE
    VOL 15 NO 1 MARCH 2008

  167. Pull Out the Tongue

    A man walks into a shoe store , and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. “Well , they fell a bit tight,” replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out, “the clerk says (he was talking about the tongue of the shoes).

    “Well, theyth sthill feelt a bith tight. “(The man pulls out his own tongue while answering).

    Source : C’N S Magazine
    Volume 1 No. 4 March , 12 , 2001

  168. BEST TIME TO PLOUG THE LAND

    One day car of husband,and wife get’s down of hall.and than husband look’s young farmer.. husband come to farmer and talk to him. husband said “I will give you 50$ to get out my car from hall”. farmer said “OK”..When the car get out from hall. farmer tells husband this the 10 year, car I ve help out of mud today…

    Sourc : C’nS megazine
    vol : 4
    no : 27 october-novenber 2004

  169. The Prayer

    A mother told young son to go to bed and sure to say his prayers and ask god to make him a good boy.The boy’s father passing by the bedroom,overheard his son praying : “Dear god, please make me a good boy if you can, but if you can’t, don’t worry about it, ’cause I’m having fun the way am.”

    Sourc : C’nS megazine
    vol : 4
    no : 27 October-novenber 2004

  170. VALUABLE PAINTINGS

    An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “i have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “the good news is that a gentleman was curious about yours work of art and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death.When I told him it would,he bought all 15 of yours paintings.”

    “That’s wonderful,”the artist exclaimed.
    “What’s the bad news?”
    “The guy was your doctor.”

    Source : C n’ S magazine
    vol :8
    No:59 april-may 2008

  171. Weight Lifting !

    The father was doubtful of his son’s suddent interest to become the next Ade Rai. Neverthless, he went with his teenage boy to the weight lifing stotre.
    Please, Dad begged the boy. ” i promise I’ll use it every day..”
    “I’m not so sure, Danny. You may lose interest in the equipment, ” his father was quick to point out. ” ohh please, please, Dad?”
    “besides, its quite expensive, ” the father added.
    “I promise, Dad, ” I’ll use it…”
    Danny finally won, and his Dad paid for the equipment. at the father was leaving the store, he heared his son call out.. ” what !! You mean I have to carry this stuff to the car?!”

    for = C’NS JUNIOR MAGAZINE
    edition = 47
    vol = 5(agustus 07)
    page = 21

  172. SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE’S TAXI DRIVER

    Sir Arthur conan doyle is waiting at a taxi stand outside the railway station in Paris. When a taxi pulls up, heputs his suitcase in the front seat and gets in the back. As he is about to tell the taxi-driver where he wants to go, the driver asks him, “wherecan I take you, Mr.Doyle?”
    Doyle is flabbergasted. He asks the driver whether he knows him by sight. The driver says, “No,sir, I have never seen you before.” The puzzled Doyle asks him what makes him think that he is conan Doyle. The driver replies, “This morning’s paper had a story about you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink-spot on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French. Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduce that you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.”
    Doyle says, “This is a truly amazingf deduction. You are a real-life counter-part to my fictional creation, Sherlock holmes.”
    “there is one other thing,” the drive says.
    “what is that?” Doyle asks.
    “your name,”the driver replies, “is on the front of suitcase.”

    source : CN’S.MAGAZINE
    VOL. 7. JUL-AUGUST
    PAGE 26

  173. An American in england

    An american is on his holiday in england. He asks a porter at the hotel lobby where the elevator is.
    The porter looks a bit confused but smiles when he realizies what the man wants.
    “you must mean the lift,” he says.
    “no,” the american responds.”if I ask for the elevator, I mean the elevator.”
    “well,” the porter answer,”over here we call them lifts,”
    “now you listen,” the american says rather irritated,”but someone here in england invented the language.”

    Source : C’nS Magazine
    Vol. 8. No.57 July – August 2008

  174. Human have used to communicate with on another since time unknown. And as time goes by, the number of language has in creased to more than 6.000! as the following stori show. Language can be the cause of misunderstanding and funny situation.

    A Matter of Punctuation
    An English professor wrote the words,”Woman without her man is nothing” on the board and directed his student to punctuate it correctly.

    The man wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
    The woman wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

    source : C ‘n S Magazine

    vol. 8 No. 57 July-August 2008

  175. Once a man bought a horse. You had to say ?hallelujah? to make it go and ?amen? to make it stop.

    The religiuous Horse

    The man was riding his horse one day but then he realized he was riding to an edge of a cliff.

    He was so scared he forgot how to make the horse stop. He thought this was the end of his life and he started praying, ending the prayer by saying ?amen?.

    The horse suddenly stopped at the edge of the cliff. ‘hallelujah’ said the man with a sigh of relief and off went the horse?

    source : C’n S Magazine

    vol. 10 No. 50 August 2001

  176. STAIRS,FUNNY STORY(FUNNY STUFF CENTRAL)

    Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
    sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
    After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
    elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
    75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
    Scott, let’s break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
    concentrating on something interesting. I’ll tell jokes for 25
    flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
    tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
    stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
    Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. “I will
    tell my saddest story first,” he said. “I left the room key in
    the car!”

    SOURCE:MAGAZINE C’N

    VOL.10 NO.50 AUGUST 2001

  177. JUST GRADUATED

    Two young men who had just graduated from harvard were all excited and talking efffusively as they gol into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked,”you men Harvard graduates?”
    “yes sir! Class of ’94 !” they answered proudly. the cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying,”Class of ’58.”

  178. JUST GRADUATED

    Two young men who had just graduated from harvard were all excited and talking efffusively as they gol into a taxi in downtown Boston. After hearing them for a couple of minutes the cab driver asked,”you men Harvard graduates?”
    “yes sir! Class of ‘94 !” they answered proudly. the cab driver extended his hand back to shake their hand, saying,”Class of ‘58.”

    SOURCE : Cn’s magazine
    vol. 3 no. 21 januari-februari 2004

  179. TIGHT FIT

    Little Billy asked miss laura,his kindergarten teacher,to help put his boots on. it way pretty hard for her to do it. with her pulling and pushing, te boots still didnt want to move. when she finally could make it , little billy said ,”but miss,they are on the wrong feet.”laura looked abd sure enough,they were. it wasnt any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. she managed to keep her cool as they worked to get the boots back on – thi time on the right feet.
    billy then announced,”these aren’t my boots.” laura inhaled, bit her lips and said,”why you didnt say so?” once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off.
    he then said, “they are my brother boots.my mom made me wear them. “laura didnt know if she should laugh or cry. she then mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots into his feet again.
    when laura finnally managed to put on billy boots, she said, “now where are you mittens?”.
    billy said , “i stuffed them in the toes of my boots…”

    source :C n S magazine
    Volume : 7 No.54

  180. _______ASKING FOR a RAISE______

    “I have to have a raise, “the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.” “Is thet so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you? ” “The electric company, the telephone companiy, and the gas company. ”

    source :C’nS cool’ n Smart magazine
    Volume :3no.24may-june 2004

  181. It’s disgusting

    Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant. “I was in that new restaurant across the street,”said one..”it’s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white there is no dirt anywhere it’s so sanitary that the whole place shines.”
    “Please,”said the other roach frowning.”Not white i’m eating!”

    source : c’nS
    Vol : 3. NO 22 February-March 2004

  182. Internet Magic

    Two teenagers decided to introduce their elderly mother to the magic of the internet.
    The first move was to access the popular ask Jeeves website.They told her it could answer any question she had.
    The mother was very skeptical until one of the teens said,”It’s true,Mom.
    Think of something to ask.”
    After about a minute thought,the mother then responded,”How is aunt Helen feeling

    Source : C’nS magazine
    Vol: 8
    No:62 January-march

  183. DOS that Rusak

    At one particular day. Joko telephone of computer store.

    Joko : “Mr. my computer destroy.”

    Technician : “Its damage what package”

    Joko : “Every my computer animate its article ‘DISK OPERATION SYSTEM ERROR’ ”

    Technician : “O if that sih its pack destroys package”

    Joko : “Whew its pack package [it is true] damage udah are made my child toy package”

    Technician : “Package Forgiveness not pack of computer packer but DISK DOS OPERATION SYSTEM”

    Joko : ??? ### !!! Directly close phonecall.
    Sent by: Franky di atas Mar 20th, 2009

    Source : C’nS magazine
    Vol : 6
    no : 44

    nama: Sudarto
    Kelas : XI-Is 3

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